


My Everything

by DiamondWinters



Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jackseptieye - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Cheating Girlfriend, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jack Angst, Lemon, M/M, Mark angst, Mark pinning, Markiplier - Freeform, Romance, Septiplier - Freeform, actual boyfriends, jacksepticeye - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 07:41:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 24,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8278052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiamondWinters/pseuds/DiamondWinters
Summary: **This is a sequel!! This story continues from the end of Actual Boyfriends, written by Ashlee Geary. If you haven't read that story yet, you really should before starting this one! Thank you!!**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Mark's life is devastated even more than from when he woke from his dream world, and he just can't take it any longer. Needing a new start, he sets out to escape the person who torments his every waking moment. However that same person isn't about to just let him walk away that easily. Will Jack ever know what it was that drove Mark away, or come to grips with his own emotions over the loss of his best friend? If he doesn't figure it out soon, he may loose the most important person in his life, before its too late.





	1. Author's Notes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iloveswedishdjs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iloveswedishdjs/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Actual Boyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287204) by [Iloveswedishdjs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iloveswedishdjs/pseuds/Iloveswedishdjs). 



******* Important Note: This is a sequel!! This story continues from the end of Actual Boyfriends, written by Ashlee Geary. If you haven’t read that story yet, you really should before starting this one! Thank you!! *******

 

[Actual Boyfriends by Ashlee Geary](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8287204)

  
  
I’d like to say thank you to both Markiplier and Jacksepticeye for putting up with writers like me, who place them in these sappy love stories. You are greatly appreciated!  
  
Also, please note that I created a girlfriend for Jack for the sake of this story. I happen to love and respect Signe, and would never expect her to act like the tart that is Ally. So out of respect, I excluded her from this story.  
  
Thank you to all my readers. I hope you enjoy this story, and I hope to see you in the next one.  
  
With Love and Kisses.  
  
Diamond


	2. Prologue - Jack's RYC

**~*~**

Mark was sitting in bed, his back against the headboard, the blanket pulled up to his waist, a bottle of water leaning against his side, and his laptop on his knees. His chest still hurt from all the crying he had been doing lately, his eyes were red and felt raw from the amount of shed tears, and his throat was sore from the screaming. He had already sent a twitter post out to his fans, asking for a day off, as he needed rest and to recuperate from his heartache. He was browsing through YouTube, when his twitter notification on his phone beeped at him informing him that a new video was uploaded on Jack’s channel. He clicked over to his friend’s profile and found that the latest Reading Your Comment’s video had been uploaded.

With a slight smile Mark started the recording, these kind of video’s always made him happier.

The first few questions, about dreams, and his Diamond Play Button were fun, but then a new question got Mark’s attention.

“If you were gay, would you date Markiplier, or PewDiePie?”

Mark perked up at this. A single spot of hope suddenly dangled before him.

“Okay, this question comes up a lot. First off, I’m not gay, that’s just a big thing straight away. I’m not gay, I never will be gay. Not that … there’s not … absolutely nothing wrong if you are gay. More power to you, love whoever you want to love don’t let anybody stop you from loving whoever you want to love, but me personally I’m not gay, and secondly, they’re not gay, … If I were gay, they’re not. So that puts another boundary in the way. And thirdly, Felix has a girlfriend, and Mark … well he could anytime he wanted. So that’s another thing in the way so no, is the answer to that question and even if I was gay and they were gay, and we were both single, probably still no because I don’t know. It’s so far outside the realm of possibility, or what could happen, or is happening, or anything like that, that I just can’t imagine it anyway.”

Jack had moved onto the next question, but Mark didn’t hear a thing. The laptop had slipped down from his knees, and was laying at a peculiar angle on the bed. He had his hands up to ears, his eyes closed tight, and a primal scream began to tear it’s way out of the back of his throat. Any hope he had, the tiny sliver of any chance with the man he loved, was now shattered beyond recognition.


	3. Giving Up

Mark awoke feeling rested, yet simultaneously pained after having cried himself to sleep. The emotions after last nights session were still tight in his chest, and his mind was foggy from grief. Three days. It had been three days since Jack’s video had gone up, and Mark broke down. Three days of laying in bed crying, of avoiding the world. No videos, no twitter, nothing, three days of silence. Desperately trying to fall asleep and leave his pain behind, he prayed that when he woke it was in his dream world. The world where Seán was waiting for him, asking him to count the stars. He didn’t care any longer for this reality, there was nothing here for him now. Nothing mattered but living in his own little world where he could hold the man he loved, and be loved back.  
  
With a sigh, he stood slowly stretching out his muscles to alleviate some the tightness in his chest, reaching his arms high above his head. After scratching his noggin, messing his already messed up hair, he reached over and grabbed his phone off it’s charger.  
  
After making it to his kitchen, he started a pot of coffee. He knew he’d have to deal with life eventually, but he just didn’t want to yet. His phone, that he had set on the counter, sat there, as if taunting him. Every time he glanced at it, it was as if it was yelling at him to pick it up and deal with all the messages. The comments from his fans wanting to know where he was at, friends who noticed for a while now that he hasn’t been okay, wanting to know how he’s doing today. Then there was Jack. The man who had no idea, no clue what it was that was slowly driving Mark farther and farther away. Mark had been trying so hard to get them together, but it was to no avail. Jack had his girlfriend Ally, and after his video, Mark was left with no doubt that he didn’t stand a chance.  
  
Knowing he couldn’t avoid it any further, he picked up his phone waking it with a push of a button. Of course the first notification was from the Irishman himself. Wondering if he was feeling okay. He was worried about him, Mark hadn’t spoken to him in a while. It had hurt too much. To see his smile, hear his beautiful voice, get lost in that laugh. It was all too much. He couldn’t handle it anymore.  
  
**Hey bud, you doing okay? Haven’t heard from ya in a while.** Jack had sent him.  
  
He wasn’t sure how to respond. How do you tell the love of your life that they’re the reason you’ve been absent from the world.  
  
**Just taking a break.** He typed out.  
  
For a moment his thumb hovered over the send button. He wondered what would happened if he just said it. Just told Jack how he felt, told him everything. Would the man reject him, destroying his friendship, or would he be welcomed with open arms. Then he remembers the video just days ago, and feels his eyes burn at the memory. He pressed send then drops his phone back onto the counter. He walks away feeling he needs a shower to wash away the pain. He doesn’t bother to go back to get his phone when it buzzes at him after Jack texted back.  
  
After getting clean, and finding new clothes, he sits on his couch, phone still forgotten, as he stairs down at the floor. He runs his hands through his hair wondering what he’s doing with his life. Glancing up, he see a pile of mail sitting on his end table, and one piece in particular catches his eye. Most of what he gets from the post is junk mail these days. Advertisements and life insurance policies mostly. He picks one up and looks at the colorful cover of tri-fold ad. It was from a travel agency, promoting a great deal on traveling across country, seeing the sites, experiencing new cultures. Opening it, he is greeted with a beautiful picturesque view of some mountain, with a happy, smiling family standing there waving, as if having a great time.  
  
Then the idea comes to him. He’d leave. Start over. Get away from this life that now haunted him, and start a new one. He needed to find his happiness again. Feel strong once more, and not worn down and defeated. His viewers would be disappointed, his friends wouldn’t understand, but eventually they’d all get over it. He needed this, he needed a fresh start.  
  


**~*~**

  
  
Later that day after getting his home ready, it only took about an hour to pack what he needed. Some clothes, toiletries, phone charger, laptop, and a leather bound book. The book was a gift he gave himself about a year ago. It’s pages were blanks save for the lines to write his thoughts down on. He had seen in a small shop that he had stepped into for a moment, and it caught his attention because the brownness of the leather reminded him of Jack’s hair. He had taken to writing down his dreams in the book. Knowing how they were slowing slipping away, he wanted to ensure that no matter what, he’d always have a way to look back at them. So he wrote down everything he could remember. Every conversation, every moment, every kiss. He wanted, needed to remember. It was all he had left.  
  
After contacting the travel agency and talking with a nice sounding Veronica, all he had left to do was make his goodbye video.  
  
He set up his camera one last time and knew this was a one shot thing. Record, upload. He didn’t want to have to spend too much time editing. The sooner this was done, the sooner he could move on.  
  
“Hello everyone, my name is Markiplier. I feel I should apologize for the past few days, I haven’t uploaded anything without giving you a reason, and I feel really bad about that. Unfortunately though this will be my last video. I’ve decided it’s time to move on, and so I won’t be uploading anymore to YouTube, or anywhere else. …”  
  
*Sigh*  
  
Mark could feel the emotions getting stronger, his eyes start to burn as the tears build up. His chest tightens making it almost hard to breath.  
  
“… I … I’m okay, honest. I just need …” He hangs his head for a moment trying to compose himself. This was proving to be harder than he thought.  
  
“I need to leave for a while guys. I can’t explain why, just that I do. I don’t know when or if I’ll be back. But I want you to know that I have loved every moment we’ve had together. Every laugh, every game, every silly jump scare, and I’m going to miss it, but I have to do this, and I can only hope you understand. Sometimes in life we don’t get what we want, and we have to learn to move on. … Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I will try to post to Twitter every now and then, but I can’t  make any promises. …”  
  
Mark had tears streaming down his face by this point, his voice was trembling and he wasn’t sure how he kept going, but he went on, knowing it had to be done.  
  
“… So, goodbye everyone. I love you all. … Buh Bye.” He ended with his usual wave and the best smile he could muster.  
  
And with that he turned off his camera. It needed a few edits only to the beginning and end, and then he uploaded it. He scheduled it to go up later in the day, so it would give him some time to get moving before all the notifications came pouring in. He also knew that his friends would be worried, but this was for the best. It was time to move on.


	4. Pushed away

Sure enough, no sooner had his video gone up then people were trying to get a hold of him. He was sitting at the airport, red hair covered by his black beanie, sunglasses pulled up tight to his face, his satchel laying between his feet on the floor as he hunched over his phone. Wade was the first to call, not text, but actually call. Mark talked to him for a while. He wasn’t sure how to answer most of his friend’s questions, but he did the best he could.  
  
“… I’m going to be fine Wade, I promise,” Mark was trying to reassure his friend.  
  
“Bob and I are really worried,” Wade protested, his voice slighter higher than usual.  
  
“I know, and I’m sorry, but I just need to get away for a while,” Mark said sadly.  
  
“What’s been going on? You won’t talk to us, I thought we were your friends,” Wade was clearly frustrated and sounding like he was about to get pissed.  
  
Mark heaved a sigh before he could answer.  
  
“I’ve just been going through a lot of emotional stuff right now, and I need to get away before I do something stupid.” And by stupid, he means calling Jack, spilling his heart out to the man and destroying the best friendship he’s ever had.  
  
“You know you can always talk to Bob and I,” Wade argued. “I mean come on, at least talk to Jack if not us,”  
  
“NO! … I mean, no, it’s fine. I just need some time away,” Mark knew he screwed up when he answered to quickly, especially when Wade was silent for a moment. He was smarter than he looked.  
  
“This has something to do with Jack doesn’t it?” Wade asked.  
  
“WHAT? No…” Mark said, trying to keep his voice down so no one would recognize him.  
  
“What happened Mark, did you two have an argument?” Wade wasn’t buying it. Dammit.  
  
“No, we didn’t fight, in fact I haven’t even talked with him in a few days,” which was the truth.    
  
“So you’re ignoring him?” Wade said. God Dammit he was persistent.  
  
“God, no Wade, I’m not ignoring him, would you drop it already,” Mark was now getting irritated.  
  
“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong. It has to be huge to make you leave YouTube and your life. If you won’t talk to me or Bob than talk to Jack. Fuck, Mark, just talk to someone would you?” Wade was really aggravated now.  
  
“Look, …” he knew he had to give a little, if for no other reason than to get Wade off his back. He knew if he didn’t the man would have the bloodhounds after him in a heart beat. “I don’t know how to explain this okay. … It’s just that …” Mark closed his eyes, rubbing them from under the sunglasses.  
  
“Mark?” Wade question prompted him to continue.  
  
If he couldn’t trust his oldest friend, who could he trust.  
  
“I fell in love Wade. I fell hard. But I can’t …” Mark’s voice cracked, the tears were forming. “I can’t have them. They … They’re with someone else, and they would never want me anyway even if they weren’t.” Mark choked out.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Wade said softly, but then his voice took a stronger tone. “Okay, so unrequited love. I get it, but is it any reason to leave? I mean come on, there’s plenty of people out there, you’ll find someone else, L.A. is huge,” Wade tried.  
  
“There is no one else Wade. Would you be able to give up Bob?” Mark said softly.  
  
Wade was quiet for a moment. “No, I guess not. … Look, I know it’s got to be hard, but … well if this is what you need, then I get it. But you can always call Bob or I anytime. And I know Jack would love to hear from you. He’s always asking us about you when we talk. … Just take care of yourself. Alright?”  
  
“Yeah, I will. I’m not going to be jumping off any cliffs or anything,” Mark said trying to force out a laugh.  
  
They said their goodbyes, with Wade promising to talk to Bob for him, and Mark promised to keep in touch no matter what.  
  
After that, Mark scrolled through the other messages from the rest of his friends, Matt, Ryan, many of the Grumps to name a few. Some he texted back with a brief, just need to get away, message, other’s he didn’t. He knew they’d find out from mutual friends.  
  
Then there was Jack. The cause of all of this. How was he supposed to talk to the man when he didn’t know what to say. Especially when he knew he’d just break down.  
  
Jack’s text that he had sent earlier in the morning was the first of many from him.  
  
**Taking a break from what?**  
  
**Mark? You there bro?**  
  
**What the fuck man, answer me?**  
  
**What’s this video about you leaving? What the fuck man? Why are you quitting YT?**  
  
There were even a few missed calls, but Mark had had his phone off so he missed them. He hated ignoring his friend, but he just didn’t know what to say. His fingers hovered over the screen, ready to type out a message, but the words just weren’t there.  
  
I need to move on, was all Mark could type. He wanted to say more, but he couldn’t find the right words to express how he felt. It was all so frustrating. Jack deserved better than this, but it was all he could give.  
  
He turned his phone to airplane mode and shoved it in his pocket. Within a few minuets they called for his plane and he grabbed his satchel before walking down the walkway and away from his life in L.A. He never even looked back.  


**~*~**

  
  
His flight from LAX would take him to Boston, and then out to London from there. In total he spent roughly twelve hours in total traveling. So when he finally made it to Heathrow Airport he was ready to stretch his legs and get some decent food. He never told Wade that he would be traveling abroad, because he didn’t want his friend to worry.  
  
From here, it would only be about an hour train ride to Brighton if he wanted to go see Felix, but he was hoping to avoid people if he could. He wasn’t really sure where he was heading, but he had talked to Veronica, the travel agent, about backpacking through Europe. Muck like many collage kids did, he wanted to experience what it was like. Though it might be harder being so well known. If he really had too, he could get his hair cut to take the red out, but he was hoping to avoid that for the moment.  
  
Walking around he found a small shop that had a wonderful smell coming from it, and he decided that would be his first stop. He didn’t have Euros on him, so he was grateful to see the Visa/Mastercard sign in the window, he’d have to find a bank to exchange some US currency, at least for the smaller shops and taxis that didn’t take cards.  
  
After a great meal, and a nice conversation with the shops owner, a mom and pop who inherited the place from the wife’s family, he was directed to a lovely hotel where he could stay for the night. Once there, and in his small room, he pulled out his laptop to charge it, and see what kind of damage was happening on-line. He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but felt that for the moment he should see what kind of shit storm he had caused.  
  
The comments section of his video was filled with questions and comments alike. People wanting to know what was going on, many making assumptions. Some claiming it was all a prank, while others were genuinely concerned. Twitter was just the same. Thousands of messages from people wanting to know what was happening.  
  
He felt terrible. He just sat there, staring at his screen not sure what to do. There was even messages from his friends wondering the same thing. Jack in particular was trying to get a response, but he was also trying to calm people down, by telling them to give Mark some space. Even in all this confusion Jack was still there to help him out.  
  
He didn’t send out any messages, he couldn’t find the right thing to say, he felt terribly guilty for what he had done. Eventually he slowly closed the laptop and got himself ready for bed. After laying down under the soft covers, he pulled his phone off the nightstand, and turned it back on, allowing all the messages to come flooding in. He didn’t bother with any of them, he was only interested in Jack’s.  
  
**Mark, I don’t know why you won’t answer my calls, but I’m here if you need to talk. I called Bob, and he and Wade told me you needed some space. I don’t know what’s going on, but you can always talk to me. I love ya bud.**  
  
Mark smiled slightly at the message. It hurt like hell, but at the same time it was good to know they were still friends. Even if he was a fuck up.  
  
**Thank you, Love ya too.**  
  
It was a simple message that held so much meaning, but it was all he could say. He silenced his phone, and put it on the charger before he pulled the covers up to his ears, and laid there, tears silently slipping from his eyes, until he finally succumb to sleep.


	5. Jack Intervenes

The next morning Mark found himself going over a few websites to help with backpacking through Europe. The best routes to take, where to stop, places that would be interesting to visit. After looking over the game plan he and Veronica had made, plus some last minuet changes he made that morning, he decided it easiest to use an ATM nearby to get some cash.  
  
He had checked his phone that morning, and like every time he checked it, it was filled with messages from friends. This time however, they seemed to be laying off the talk to me, and were wishing him luck, and get well soon. Most people seem to think he was ill, which in a sense he was. He was sick of feeling lonely, and tired from all the pain he had endured lately. So he just sent back thank yous, and left it at that.  
  
Jack was still persisting though. Wanting him to call, trying to get him to open up and talk, but Mark didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t answer. In fact he hadn’t even been paying attention to the last round of messages from Jack as he made his escape plan. He wasn’t ready to deal with it at the moment. Every time he did, it just made leaving that much harder.  
  
After having his complimentary breakfast, he walked around London for a while, taking in the sites, trying to calm his mind, and heal his heart. It wasn’t long though before his phone began to buzz again from Jack trying to reach him. He found a quiet place in a small park, where there were few other people, and he sat down on a stone bench.  
  
Mark checked his phone, another text from Jack, something about wanting to see him. The man has been determined about trying to get a hold of him, but Mark had been avoiding his messages. He didn’t want to get caught up in trying to explain to Jack what was going on in his head right now. He found it rather ironic that in order to get away from the one he loved, he brought himself physically closer to him. From here he could take a short flight to Ireland if he wanted and could see Jack in the same day, explain everything, but that’s not why he came to Europe. Another text buzzed his phone. This time he looked down.  
  
**ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE!!** Was Jack’s message right before it started to ring. Mark heaved a heavy sigh. Jack was relentless, so he might as well deal with this.  
  
“Hey Jack,” Mark barley got out before there was a screaming Irishman in his ear.  
  
“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?” Jack yelled impatiently.  
  
“Jesus Jack, calm your tits,” Mark growled, he didn’t like being yelled at.  
  
“Where are you Mark?” Jack asked more calmly.  
  
“Out,” was Mark’s only reply.  
  
He wasn’t going to lie, but he wasn’t ready to deal with Jack’s reaction to being out of the country. The man could believe he was at home, or out for pizza or something.  
  
“No shit Sherlock,” came the Irishman’s sarcastic reply. “But where are you? You haven’t been home in days.”  
  
“What?” Wait, how do you know that?” Mark asked confused. He hadn’t told a single soul he was leaving, well except kinda to Wade.  
  
“Because I’m standing in your living room, lookin’ at the pile of mail on the floor and the layer of dust covering everything,” Jack explained.  
  
“You’re in my house? What the fuck?” Mark was shocked.  
  
He figured Jack was just pissed he had been ignoring his messages. Clearly he should have paid better attention the texts Jack had been sending for the past few days.  
  
“Yeah, I’m at your house, I was fucking worried about you. Not calling, quitting Youtube. I mean, what the fuck man? Where’d you go?” Jack said. Mark could hear the anger and hurt laced in Jack’s voice. It broke his heart.  
  
“I’m sorry Seán, I didn’t mean to worry you,” Mark said downhearted.  
  
“Yeah well that’s all I’ve been doing,” Jack said sadly.  
  
The tightness returned to Mark’s chest and his eyes began to sting.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” Mark repeated.  
  
“Stop saying your sorry and tell me where you are,” Jack demanded.  
  
Mark could hear him moving around the house.  
  
“How did you get in?” he asked trying to avoid the question.  
  
“You told me where your spare key was last time I came to visit,” Jack explained.  
  
“Oh, right,” Mark said trying to calm down.  
  
Jack was in his home, worried sick about him, having traveled thousands of miles just to check up on him, and he wasn’t even there. Mark felt like an asshole. He had been trying to push the man away, only for him to show up on his literal doorstep.  
  
“Mark?” Jack asked.  
  
“Yeah?” Mark said, running a hand through his hair nervously.  
  
“Where are you?” Jack asked calmly. “Are you even in California?”  
  
“No,” Mark answered honestly.  
  
“God dammit! Fine, I’m going home,” Jack said sounding very iterated.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Mark tried to say, but Jack cut him off.  
  
“I need to use your computer to change my return trip,” Jack barked.  
  
Mark could hear him stomping up the wooden stairs.  
  
“Yeah, that’s fine. Feel free to use anything in the house Jack. God I’m such an ass,” Mark said.  
  
“Yes, you are, and you owe me big time. Also if I can’t leave today I’m sleeping in your bed. I’ll be damned if I’m sleeping on the couch,” Jack said pissed.  
  
“What? That’s my bed,” Mark exclaimed.  
  
Not that he minded Jack sleeping in his bed, it was just that he wouldn’t be there to share it.  
  
“Too bad! You don’t want me in your bed, get your ass over here and kick me out,” Jack said in a threatening voice.  
  
_More like keep you from leaving it,_ Mark thought.  
  
“No, it’s fine. I owe it to you,” Mark said.  
  
“Damn right you do,” Jack said and Mark could hear his computer come to life.  
  
Just then a group of people walked past Mark, talking loudly and Mark knew his location was about to be blown.  
  
“Mark, what was that?” Jack asked.  
  
“What? Oh just some people out for a stroll,” Mark played it off, hoping Jack wouldn’t press the issue.  
  
There was a pause where neither of then spoke.  
  
“Are you in England?” Jack asked slowly.  
  
“Yes,” was all Mark could say with a sigh.  
  
He could hear Jack take a deep breath before a string of curse words were thrown at him.  
  
“What the ever living fuck Mark? Yer in fucking England? Why the bloody hell didn’t you tell me. God fucking dammit.” Jack continued with a few more inventive curse words before Mark could get a word in edge wise.  
  
He let the Irishman get his anger out, he knew Jack had every right to be pissed right now. He spent time and money to visit him, and he wasn’t even there for it. After a few more minuets of the gamer cursing him out in both English and Irish, he finally calmed down.  
  
“Where are you in England?” Jack asked, which threw Mark off.  
  
“London,” Mark answered honestly.  
  
“I’m sending Felix out to get your ass,” Jack said.  
  
“What?” No, I’m fine Jack, I don’t need Felix or anyone else coming to get me,” Mark argued.  
  
“GOD DAMMIT MARK!” Jack yelled.  
  
“Look, Seán, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but seriously, just go home. Don’t worry about me. I’ll send you some money to cover the flight. I really am sorry about all of this,” Mark said. He was trying to escape his life, not get pulled back into it.  
  
Jack was about to protest when Mark cut him off this time.  
  
“Look Jack, I have to go, I’ll … I’ll try to talk later okay. … Goodbye,” Mark said trying to keep his voice from cracking. When he said goodbye to his friend, it felt like it would be the final time. As Jack was yelling at him to wait, he hit the end button on his phone. A tear slid down his face and after turning his phone off, he slipped it into his pocket. He sat there, on the stone bench as tears slipped down his cheeks.


	6. Travels

Jack was sitting at Mark’s computer more pissed off than ever. Why was Mark avoiding him, what the hell did he do to deserve to be treated like this? He pulled up his flight information ready to change his return trip when he leaned back in Mark’s chair. He had planned on staying in L.A. for a week, he had worked hard over the past month stock piling videos so he could surprise his best friend with a visit. He had been able to tell that Mark wasn’t doing well lately, and he wanted to see his friend smile again. Leaning back, he closed his eyes and thought of all the times Mark had make him feel special, had given him a sense of purpose, kept him going. He didn’t understand what Mark was going through right now, but he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that whatever it was, it had shaken Mark to the core. And he wasn’t about to just give up and go home without at least trying. With renewed determination he sat up straight and snagged the mouse, moving it quickly over the website.  
  
When he made his changes, he called Felix. Like hell was he just going to let Mark walk away.  


**~*~**

After spending about an hour talking with his Swedish friend, he decided to scrounge around in Mark’s kitchen, looking for some food. There wasn’t much in the fridge, Mark had undoubtedly planned ahead, it was practically empty. The cupboards faired a bit better, as he found some cans of soup, and other pantry items that would last a while in the dark.  
  
Looking around in the kitchen, he found what he needed to make himself a simple, yet filling dinner. It didn’t take long to heat up the can of stew he had found, and taking his dish of food to the table, he sat for a moment to let it cool as he looked around. The house was dark, save for the light in the current room, and the place felt cold and empty. Without Mark here, there was no life in the modest home. In the stillness of the night, he watched as dust slowly floated past in the moonlight. It was far to quiet, and he didn’t like it. He almost felt like yelling just to make some noise, but without Mark present, he didn’t see the point. The sadness of the place was making his heart ache. He realized, sitting there, looking down at his bowl of soup, that he missed his best friend. He missed hearing his deep voice, his laughter. Seeing his beautiful eyes as they always lit up when he looked Jack’s way. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to see his friend standing there, so he could pull the man into a tight hug and feel Mark’s arms wrap around his body. He wanted to hear the American’s heartbeat, while he wrapped his own arms around his friend’s broad shoulders. A sob escaped his throat as the loneliness consumed him.  
  
It was almost one am, and he was tired. His flight was early, around eight in the morning, so he wouldn’t be getting much sleep, but it was important to get moving as quickly as he could. He just hoped that Felix could help him out.  
  
Jack forced down the soup the best he could, but the sudden, overwhelming feeling of isolation had taken him by surprise, and had dampened his appetite. Once he was done, he took his time washing the dishes he had used. He could have put them in the dishwasher, but the motions of washing them by hand gave his body something to do while his mind wondered.  
  
He was trying to figure out what was wrong with Mark. What would cause him to suddenly quit his job, his passion, and just up and leave? Also, why was Mark avoiding him at the same time. It was bad enough that Jack and Ally have been arguing lately. Ally, his girlfriend of almost two years, who was about his height, with hazel eyes, long, straight red hair, and lots of freckles, was still in Ireland. The stereotype of Irish descent, with the temper to go along with it. They seemed to be getting into spats about the smallest, stupidest thing. Constantly butting heads as of late.  So he was kinda hoping to enjoy a week away, spend some time with Mark. Except he ended up in his friend’s house without him, and now he had to go back. He was getting frustrated the more he thought about it.  
  
After making sure the kitchen was clean, he dragged himself up to Mark’s bedroom, and stripped down to his briefs. He pulled the covers back and plopped down on the bed. Pulling himself in, he curled himself into the bedding snuggling the soft pillow with his face. His sense of smell was assaulted with the aroma that was Mark. He wrapped his arms around the pillow, wishing it was the American. He loved giving the man hugs and feeling the other’s arms around him, but for the time being he had to settle for the pillow as a substitute.  
  
For the next four hours, his sleep was constantly interrupted by an overwhelming need Jack didn’t understand other than emptiness. When his alarm went off in the morning, he was already awake, but was still lying in Mark’s bed, breathing in the scent of his best friend, wondering why he wasn’t good enough anymore.  


**~*~**

It was about noon as Mark made his way through London. He didn’t have much of a plan, but he figured since he was here, he could do a little site seeing. Anything to get his mind off of Jack, and the ache in his chest. He wondered around aimlessly for a while, and ended up in front of a bright red pub called The Ship and Shovell, a restaurant that was split in half, with one half of the pub on one side of the street, and the other half on the other side. The exterior was about as bright red as his hair, with black trim. There were matching red and black barrels sitting out side the place, with hanging plants adorning the windows. It sat just before a tunnel that was called The Arches Shopping. A tunnel filled with small shops, that Mark planned on checking out after some lunch.  
  
The inside of the place was beautiful with it’s dark brown wood walls, lush red patterned carpet, and gold colored ceiling. It was everything Mark imagined a British pub should look like. It wasn’t too busy yet, and so he slipped in and got seated. He looked over the menu and found it had a great selection of sandwiches, many he’d never seen before, and also a nice selection of beer. Too bad he couldn’t have any alcohol. He was sitting at a small booth, trying to decide on lunch, when he felt someone sit next to him and he looked up to find the last two people he’d expect sitting at his table.  
  
“Felix? Marzia? … What are you doing here?” Mark asked, very confused, then rather annoyed. Jack threatened to send Felix… he just didn’t think he’d actually do it.  
  
“We could ask you the same question, especially since we’re the ones who live in this country when you don’t,” Felix said calmly from beside him. He didn’t appear to be his normal self, and was looking at him in such a way it felt like the Swedish man was trying to read his mind for answers.  
  
“Didn’t see my video? I’m taking a break for a while,” Mark said with a half smile.  
  
“We saw it, we just don’t understand why,” Marzia said softly. She looked at him with genuine concern from across the table.  
  
“I just …” *Sigh* “Look, I just need to get away for a while, okay?” Mark tried to explain.  
  
“No, it’s not okay, you don’t just up and leave Mark,” Felix said.  
  
The waitress walked over at that time, and Mark asked her for a few more minuets. His appetite was suddenly not what is was about 10 minuets ago. She gave Marzia and Felix menus after taking their drink orders. Mark sighed, it seemed he was having his meal with his unexpected guests.  
  
“And why not Felix?” Mark asked, looking over at his friend.  
  
“Just tell me why then? Don’t think we haven’t noticed how you’ve been distant lately,” Felix said.  
  
Mark ran his hands over his face, and then through his hair. Should he even bother telling them about his feelings for Jack? Would it even make a difference? It’s not like anything can be done about it. Taking a few minuets to think it over he realized it may help him get over Jack if he told them, to get everything off his chest. He decided to let them into his secret.  
  
The next hour Mark explained to Felix and Marzia his feelings for the Irishman. About his dreams that kept him going, and about what triggered his departure. They were kind enough to not interrupt him, and let him have his say. He barely touched his food, and choked up multiple times. At one point Felix pulled him into a bro hug which he was grateful for. It was hard, but at the end, they seemed to understand.  
  
“Damn man, I had no idea,” Felix said, his hand over Mark’s shoulders.  
  
“No one does, well I mean Wade and Bob kinda do. They know that I fell in love but they don’t know who. Please don’t say anything,” Mark asked.  
  
“No, of course not,” Marzia said and Felix nodded.  
  
They finished their meal, paid and left soon after. Mark promised them he’d keep in touch, and they offered their couch if he needed a place to sleep, which he was grateful for. But he didn’t want to impose, and knew he had to get going. Eventually they said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.  


**~*~**

On the train ride back to Brighton, with Marzia fast asleep, Felix made a phone call.  
  
“Jack, yeah I found him. I used a GPS tracker app. Just plug in his phone number and you can find him anywhere. … Yeah.  Look there’s something you should know…”.


	7. Go Home Jack

Mark had spent the night again in London, he was really loving the place, perhaps he’d live here. So much culture, history. He could get used to it. Currently he was walking down a path in St. James’s Park, watching the swans drift in the lake as they courted each other. Despite the warmth of the summer, he wore a baseball cap to hide his colored hair, and he was also in his blue button down shirt, and blue jeans, and had his satchel slung over his shoulder. Off into the distance he could see the London Eye, the worlds largest ferris wheel, as it slowly turned. It was a beautiful site. He walked over and stood against the rail that kept people from being able to walk into the lake, when someone came over and stood next to him.  
  
“Beautiful day isn’t it?” came a familiar Irish accent.  
  
Mark looked up quickly to his left at the man with a tuft of green sticking out from his dark green hat. Jack wasn’t looking at him, but was watching the birds swim around the lake. He was wearing his red v-neck Henley shirt, black jeans with wholes in the knees, and his converse shoes. His collection of bracelets were on his arm, a travel bag slung over his back, and an upset expression on his face. When Mark didn’t answer, he turned his steely blue eyes towards him that sent a shiver down his spine.  
  
“Well?” Jack asked calmly.  
  
“How? … What? … Dammit Felix,” Mark cursed, turning back towards the lake. “He promised he wouldn’t say anything,” Mark said more to himself then his friend.  
  
“No, he told me he promised he wouldn’t tell me what the fuck is wrong with one of my best friends, but he never promised to keep your whereabouts a secret,” Jack corrected him.  
  
Mark hung his head, Felix had used a loophole, even after everything he had told the Swedish meatball.    
  
“Dammit Jack, just go home,” Mark almost whispered.  
  
“Not until you fucking tell me what’s going on,” Jack growled.  
  
It was getting to be too much. How was he supposed to keep his distance when Jack was standing right there, nearly touching his shoulder with his. How was he supposed to keep his secret when the man he loved more than life was demanding to know what it was.  
  
“What the fuck does it matter?” Mark said forcefully.  
  
He pushed back from the rail, and walked away, going across the path and into the grassy area.  
  
“Where the hell do you think you’re going? Get back here,” Jack demanded, following close behind.  
  
“GOD DAMMIT Seán! I’m getting away from you,” Mark bellowed.  
  
Exploding pain shot through his chest as he knew he was about to make the worse mistake of his life, but he couldn’t help it, it needed to be done in order to move on. It was either this, or live the rest of his life in agony of never being able to be loved by someone he longed for so desperately.  
  
“What?” Jack was clearly confused.  
  
The Irishman stopped in his tracks for a second, while Mark kept walking. However in a moment the American was quickly flung back when Jack grabbed him by the arm and jerked him around to face him.  
  
“What the fuck do you mean to get away from me? What the fuck did I do?” Jack demanded to know.  
  
Mark dropped his satchel on the ground, he was really pissed and was ready for a fight. Jack followed suit and also dropped his travel bag on top of Mark’s, their personal belongings spilling out into each other.  
  
“What did you do? You … Everything Seán! You did everything. You are everything, … and I can’t handle it anymore,” Mark rambled.  
  
“What? That doesn’t even make sense,” Jack was even more confused then before.  
  
Mark’s hands were clenched as he pushed them up into his temples. His mind was reeling with all the words that wanted to escape, the confession that was right there on the tip of his tongue, begging to be released, to be heard. Jack tried to reach out to him, but Mark flinched back. The last thing he wanted right then was physical contact. It would destroy him to feel Jack’s touch.  
  
“Dammit Seán, you’re killing me,” Mark raged.  
  
“I’m not fucking doing anything to you. You’re the one whose been ignoring me. … What the fuck did I do wrong? … Talk to me dammit!” Jack’s voice cracked towards the end.  
  
Mark looked up and saw Jack’s eyes red and worry etched across his face. He was doing this, he was causing this grief to appear on his love’s beautiful face.  
  
“I … I can’t. It won’t matter, it won’t change anything. … You won’t change,” Mark tried to explain, his own eyes burning from the oncoming tears.  
  
“How the fuck am I supposed to change, if you won’t tell me what’s wrong,” Jack pleaded, taking a step closer to his friend.  
  
Mark was at his wits end. The words, the confession of his heart was right there, just begging to be said, so close to the edge of being verbalized, to be set free and heard by the one person who needed to hear it most. But he held it in, he grasped it like a desperate man clinging to his dead lover that he couldn’t let go. But the pain was too great. Heartache drove him to his knees as he fell into the soft grass with his head in his hands. Tears streaming down his face. When he felt Jack drop to the ground in front of him, placing his hands gently over his, he finally cracked.  
  
“I love you Seán,” Mark whispered.  
  
“What?” Jack asked.  
  
Mark wasn’t sure if it was because he couldn’t hear him, or didn’t believe him, but he continued nonetheless.  
  
“I have loved you since the moment I met you. No, even before that, when I first heard that beautiful laugh of yours I’ve loved you. I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you, and tell you how much I care, but no matter how I tried, you were always out of reach.” Mark wasn’t even looking at Jack, he just kept his head facing down, as tears slipped into the soft green beneath him. “I can’t do it anymore Seán, I just can’t. It hurts to much. I can’t keep pretending like nothing is wrong, and that I’m not dieing inside everyday. I’m so sorry Seán, but I have to stop this before it destroys me completely.” Mark said in the same whisper. Jack had leaned his head against his, and Mark could hear the man sniff, as Jack had his own tears run down his face.  
  
“Go home Seán. … Please, … just leave me be,” Mark begged.  
  
Jack’s voice was broken as he tried to speak. “Mark… please, don’t do this.”  
  
“I have to Seán. Please … just go,” Mark said quietly.  
  
A sob tore through Jack’s body, and he could feel the Irishman gently squeeze his hands as they lowered to Mark’s knees. But then Jack reached back up and softly placed his hands on either side of Mark’s face, as he placed a gentle kiss to his forehead. Jack picked up his bag, and belongings, and Mark listened as his footsteps quietly left him. When he looked up, it was only to see a glimpse of the most important man in his life walk away.


	8. Jack's breakdown

Jack had tears running down his face as he walked away from Mark. He didn’t care that people were staring, he could barely see them anyway as his vision was impaired, due to being so blurry from the moisture. He reached up and pushed the hair that was sticking out, back under his hat, and found his hands were shaking. His chest heaved with the sobs that were still wracking his body, and his walk turned into a run as he suddenly felt the need to get away from the crowd. He ran until he couldn’t any longer and found himself in a back alley between some stores. It was narrow, and there were boxes and crates littered about with a strong smell of old garbage, but he didn’t care. He fell against a wall, and slid down until he sat on the cold stones, with his knees pulled up to his face so he could rest his head against them, while wrapping his arms around his legs.  
  
It was there that all his emotions came crashing down on him. His chest tightened as the pain of just being rejected by someone he cared so much for tore through him. He wanted to fight, to hit something, to expel all the negative energy, but he had no way to do so, instead he suffered as his body convulsed over and over again with spasms of grief. He cried out in frustration as the hot tears flowed down his face, and the words “Go home Seán. … Please, … just leave me be,” echoed in his mind. His hands were balled into fists, and he had his head resting on his knees as he cried endlessly.  
  
“WHY?” He begged to the heavens, but there was no answer to be heard.  
  
After a while, he calmed down, sniffing as his face was a mess of fluids. Wiping himself off on the sleeve of his shirt, he slowly stood, using the wall as support to steady himself. Taking his phone out, he found the nearest train station and sadly bought a one way ticket back to Ireland, after gathering his other suitcase. He could fly, but he wasn’t ready to be home so soon. His girlfriend would want his attention as soon as he got back, and he wasn’t ready for that yet. She wasn’t exactly happy that he left to begin with, saying that he never spent enough time with her as it was. He needed time to think, and taking the train home would give him that time.  
  
Getting on, he slowly made his way to his private cabin. He had spent a little extra so he could have some privacy, because he didn’t want to be seen by fans, or witnessed to be crying out in public. He found his room, closed and locked the door behind him, and he sat down in the seat close to the window. He rested his head against the cold interior glancing out the glass. He could see many people walking around, saying their goodbyes, hugging each other, kissing. His eyes began to tear up again, as the tender gestures of love and affection shared by these strangers made him miss his friend so much more. He was both confused and hurt by it. He didn’t understand why he was so emotional, why he couldn’t just let it go, why it hurt so much for Mark to push him away. He only knew that it felt like his whole world had come crumbling down, and there was nothing he could do about it. As he watched two men come together and hold each other in an intimate embrace, before sharing a chaste kiss, he was reminded of what Mark had said to him.  
  
Mark loved him, no… Mark was In love with him, and has been for a long time. Jack never knew. He never would have guessed. Had he been so blind that he didn’t see the love shine in Mark’s eyes over the years. See the adoration in his face when he laughed at something Jack had said. How he would hold him a little tighter when they hugged, or when the American wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him in closer. How could he have missed it. Why didn’t he see it sooner. He felt so stupid in that moment for not noticing what was right in front of his eyes. He was Mark’s everything.  
  
He closed his eyes again as tears rolled down his cheeks, and hiccuped as he cried and felt the tightness come back to pull at his heart. The sound of the train starting to move drowned out the cries of the Irishman as he wept for the loss of his friend, and the missed opportunity of being loved by someone so important and amazing.  


**~*~**

_Jack and Mark were sitting on the hood of Mark’s car, curled up in a soft blanket, with Jack nestled between Mark’s legs, and the American’s arms wrapped around his waist, holding him close. So close Jack would feel the other man’s heart beat against his back. They had driven to an empty field and were both looking up at the sky, enjoying each other’s company in the solitude._  
  
_Littered with stars was the night sky. Each star twinkled and shone brightly, each of their own individual and beautiful constellation._  
  
_Jack stole a glance at Mark, realizing how beautiful their relationship has been. He grabbed Mark’s hand and held it tight, tears wanting to escape. Mark looked over with a smile, but it fell._  
  
_“Are you okay?” Mark asked quietly._  
  
_“Count the stars for me,” Jack asked softly._  
  
_Mark looked up and started counting. Jack felt it endearing how he managed to make it to seventy seven before he gave up._  
  
_“I can’t do it babe. Why?”_  
  
_“Exactly. That would by my exact answer if someone asked me to explain how much I love you right now,” Jack said with a small smile as he saw the universe reflected in the pools of chocolate brown looking back at him._  
  
_He leaned over tentatively, closing his eyes slowly, as he knew Mark was doing the same. Just as their lips touched in the most gentle, softest of kiss, Jack woke._  
  
The train had lurched a bit, causing Jack to jerk awake. He had cried himself to sleep, and was laying down on the train seat. The movement of the train had nearly caused him to fall off, but he had caught himself before he did. Unfortunately his travel bag didn’t fair as well, and went tumbling down onto the floor. As Jack knelt down to retrieve his belongings, he noticed something out of place. Amongst the rest of his items was a brown leather book he didn’t recognize. It had a cord attached to it that wound around the covers, keeping it closed, and it was made from a supple leather that was soft to the touch. After getting everything else in his bag, he sat back down, and carefully unwound the leather strap opening the book to the first page.  
  
His eyes grew wide when he realized this was Mark’s personal journal. He quickly closed it, holding it in both hands. He couldn’t read this, it was Mark’s inner most thoughts, but, at the same time, there was a little voice telling him he should. He wanted to know more then ever what Mark had been thinking as of late. Was it just his feelings for Jack, or was there more to it that caused the sudden departure? He knew he really shouldn’t, it was none of his business, but he desperately needed answers. From Mark’s confession, to the dream he just had, he needed to know what was going on, and how it was affecting him. He felt all the answers he was looking for was within this book.  
  
With trembling hands, he re-opened the cover, and started on the first page. It was from almost a year ago, but the first entry was about the day they had first met.


	9. Mark's notebook

_“Just like the dreams I’ve had before, we climbed into my bed, and though I was nervous, Jack never was. He’d just tell me to cuddle with him, to keep the chill from the night air away. I’d spoon behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, pulling him close. Sometimes we’d talk for a while, other times, we’d just fall right to sleep, but always in each other arms. I wish I could have this for real. To feel the softness of his skin against my own as I drift off to peaceful slumber. To wake up to those gorgeous blue eyes that are filled with love and hope for our future. When I wake up alone, holding nothing but my pillow, I can’t help but cry that he’s not there laying beside me.”_  
  
Jack was reading one of the entries in Mark’s journal, as he had been for over an hour. The first were pretty normal, talking about how they met, with some emotions thrown in, but as he turned each page, dreams started to be added to the mix. It was as if he was trying to record them for prosperity. Some were very elaborate, not leaving a single detail out, which caused him to blush profusely when he got the parts where they had sex, or specifically, made love. Then there were entries like this where he’d mix parts of the dream with his emotions about it.   
  
Sometimes Jack would tear up at how raw Mark’s words would get. He wasn’t sure how he still had tears left after all the crying he had been doing in the past few hours. At one point he had to slip out to find some water to keep from getting dehydrated.   
  
Then there were the moments where he couldn’t help but laugh out loud at some of the cuteness that Mark had dreamt about.   
  
_“Jackaboy, since this is going on your channel too, you may as well do your outro.”_  
  
 _“Thanks Markimoo, and THANK you guys SO much for watching! If you LIKED IT, and this face” Seán stroked my cheek at this moment, “PUNCH that like button IN THE FACE. LIKE A BOSS!”_  
  
 _“And hi-fives all round?”_  
  
 _“Excatly Mark. WHA PSH.” And he gave me a hi-five and then turned to the camera repeating the “WHA PSH” motion._  
  
 _“But Thank you guys, and I will SEE ALL YOU DUUUUUDES-” he throws his arms in the air and I copy him. “IN THE NEXT VIDEO!”_  
  
 _We start laughing immediately and Jack collapsed on my shoulder as he wiped his eyes._  
  
Jack loved this idea, sharing a video with Mark, including doing both their outros together. He wanted that so much. He wanted Mark back in his life. He closed his eyes for a moment, willing the pain to go away. Resting his head back against the seat, his eyes felt the familiar sting to them, and he took some deep breaths to keep the tears from falling. Once the sensation went away, he blinked his eyes open again, and turned the page.   
  
_I slowly laid Jack along the bed, and grabbed the duvet, took my flannel off and climbed into bed beside him. I found myself automatically wrapping my arms around him, aiming to cuddle or spoon with him. Quickly I fell soundly asleep._  
  
 _Hours later, I woke up suddenly. I was laying on my back and felt pleasantly warm. Warmer than normal. I glanced down to see Seán had rolled over and was now using my chest as a pillow._  
  
 _He was softly snoring, but most likely unaware of his comfortable position. I was grinning like an idiot and I could feel the warm air trailing down my naked upper body from Seán’s breathing._  
  
 _I attempted to free a pinned arm from under him, but found that there was a leg resting comfortably between my own. I gasped at how precariously close it was to my junk. I told my self ‘Don’t you dare get aroused.’_  
  
 _I bit my lip and moved the tiniest millimeter, closing my eyes in the tiniest bout of pleasure as Seán’s knee rubbed against my crotch. ‘Oh Fuck, Oh Fuck’ was all I could think._  
  
 _I managed to free my arm, and rest it comfortably near Seán’s shoulder. I stared at his pretty face and absent-mindedly let my now free hand play gently with his soft hair. How could I not? Seán looked so damn peaceful._  
  
 _“How can I not love you? You dork.” Was all I could think in that moment._  
  
 _After that I fell back to sleep, smiling._  
  
Jack’s heart ached. A tear slid down his cheek that he wiped away with the back of his hand. Though out the entire book so far, all of Mark’s feelings and thoughts for him were so gentle and loving. Every glance at his direction, everything that he noticed about the Irishman, every little detail that never went unnoticed. The gamer was overwhelmed by how much Mark truly loved him.   
  
Jack was now reading about going to PAX, and Mark’s vision of what could happen. Though some details were true to life, there was always the part where it would turn from two guys hanging out, being friends, to something more. Mark would sometimes refer to Jack as Baby at some point, giving away his feelings for the lad, and the Irishman would always reciprocate with wanting them to find someplace private. In Mark’s dreams, there was never any real awkwardness. His dream Jack wouldn’t hesitate to kiss back, or even be the first to kiss Mark. It was as if there was no doubt about his ability to love another man. It came easily to him, like second nature.   
  
He took a deep breath and kept reading, knowing he was about to come to another sex scene. He considered skipping those parts, but felt like he might miss something important. People tend to say things during sex, words of love, confessions. At least that’s what he heard. He and Ally had never done anything like that. It was just a lot of grunting and groaning, but Mark would play out the sex with moments of desire, instructions, praise, and love.   
  
Jack began reading the moment of when his counterpart and Mark first had sex for this particular dream. They were in their hotel room trying to sleep when they heard Bob and Wade through the wall. He couldn’t stop the blush that rose in his cheeks, at the imagery or the tingling sensation that coursed through his body, only to settle in his groin as he kept going.   
  
_Jack bent down my body and kissed a trail along my chest then down to my bellybutton. He traced back his path with his tongue, all the way to my neck, where he nibbled on the skin. I finally moaned in a low tone, as I squirmed in the restraint._  
  
 _“Lower down, please… Jack…” I begged._  
  
 _He nibbled my ear in response, making me gasp loudly._  
  
 _“Did I find an erogenous zone there Mark?” He growled, which made me merely whimper in reply._  
  
 _Still, Jack obeyed and kissed back down my body until he reached my cotton boxers. He slipped them off my legs and feet gently, before tossing them away._  
  
 _I could feel him sitting there, hearing him breath softly, as if watching for my reaction. He wasn’t going to move a muscle until I begged him to do so. It didn’t take long before I was arching into the air, ever so subtly._  
  
 _“Jack! God dammit, don’t keep me waiting!” I groaned._  
  
 _“What’s the magic word?” he giggled, his fingers walking up my leg and across my inner thigh._  
  
 _“Holy FUCK-”_  
  
 _Jack bit his lip, reaching out to stroke my erection, hearing me immediately sigh in relief._  
  
 _“Was that the magic word?” I murmured._  
  
 _“Not quite, but you are so hot when you say that … Daddy.”_  
  
Jack was so aroused right now, as his right hand slid down over the bulge that was steadily growing. He couldn’t take his eyes away from the pages as he continued to read about how his dream self continued to torment Mark with kisses and touches, only to finally mount the American. They eventually turned so Mark was sitting on him, as he lay on his back, the American riding him slowly, bringing them both to ecstasy.   
  
He had to stop for a moment, and regain his composure. He was so tempted to jerk off right there caused by the mental imagery of Mark’s words, but was afraid he might get caught. He looked out the window, and saw that it was getting dark. Which meant people would be either heading off to the diner car, or settling down for the night. Thinking about it for a few moments, he figured why not, he had a private cabin. He needed to know if having sex with Mark was something he could get off to, or if his mind would pull him back to his girlfriend.   
  
Placing the book on the seat, he doubled checked to make sure the door was locked, before he sat back down. He leaned back against the wall, lifting a leg up onto the cushion, and closed his eyes. He let the images of Mark’s dreams flit through his mind, as his right hand began to glide across his erection.   
  
First he played out a few scenes of what Mark had written down as his hand glided back and forth along his crotch. The tightness of his jeans getting to be a bit much, he unbuttoned his pants, and pulled down the zipper. He was still nervous about revealing his cock to the cool night air, but as thoughts of Mark resting between his legs entered his mind, the need to feel skin on skin became greater.   
  
“What the fuck am I doing?” he whispered to himself as his hand continued it’s rubbing motion.   
  
Deciding that perhaps he should focus on Ally instead, he pulled his hard cock out of his pants letting his hand slip down the length with a quiet groan. He tried to focus on her pretty face, imagining it was her, and her pouty lips roaming down his thick member, but her image didn’t last very long. The vision of her face faded into galaxy filled brown eyes, black and red hair, and a smile to die for. Her sweet voice was replaced by the deep rumbled of Mark’s as the American groaned while he placed his lips to the tip of Jack’s weeping member.   
  
Jack’s head was leaning back, mouth hanging open, and eyes closed as he let his hand twist while it slid back down the length of his dick. In his mind’s eye, it was Mark’s beautiful mouth that had slid down his length, the flat of his tongue pressing against the long vein that ran down his cock, as a soft groan escaped Jack throat.   
  
His breathing became more erratic as his fist pumped his member, the other hand gripping the seat to keep him steady. His imaginary Mark bobbing his head up and down, sucking his cheeks in at just the right moment causing the gamer to gasp. Jack wanted nothing more in that moment than for Mark to actually be there with him, to truly feel his lips against his body, to kiss him throughly and pressing his chest against the Irishman’s. His body ached with need to release and his heart ached to be with Mark. With a few more strokes, Jack bit his lip to keep the groan from escaping his throat as he climaxed. As he came down from his orgasmic high, there was only one word on his lips.  
  
“Mark!”   
  
He had just enough energy to pull his shirt off, and use it to clean up the mess he just made. Then pulling a new shirt out from his bag, he slipped it on. Once he was done making sure all evidence of his activities were gone, and he could relax, he promptly passed out. From the little amount of sleep due to traveling, crying his heart out for hours, and then having an intense orgasm, it was no wonder Jack fell asleep so quickly, and easily.   
  
He slept until the conductor came knocking on his door in the morning, informing him and the rest of the passengers that they had reached their stop in Holyhead, where a ferry would then take him across the Irish Sea to Dublin. From there he would take another train to Athlone. He continued to read Mark’s journal during the trip, coming to terms with the man’s feelings for him, and realizing his own along the way.


	10. Journey to the Soul

Mark had cried for some time in his place on the grass before he eventually gathered his belongings and picked himself up. He pulled his sunglasses out and put them on, so people wouldn’t see his red eyes. Slowly he made his way out of the park. His heart pounding in his chest at the damage he had just done. He pushed the man he loved out of his life for good, and he just wanted to break down and cry, but he knew he couldn’t out in public. He needed a place to find in private. He thought about going back to the hotel he had stayed at for a few nights, but didn’t think he’d make it that far. His flight out of London wasn’t until later that evening when he would be leaving the United Kingdom and heading off to Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Until then, he needed a place to be by himself.  
  
He walked around until he came to a small café and saw that it wasn’t busy. Slipping in, he found a small booth off in the corner and slid into the seat. Within moments a woman asked if he was alright and if he wanted a coffee. He told her he would order in a few minuets, but he needed to use the men’s room first. She directed him to where it was, down a short hallway towards the back, and he thanked her before heading over to it. Thankfully it was the kind where it was one small restroom, where you didn’t share, but had to wait your turn. So he could have it all to himself, and locked himself in.  
  
No sooner did he have the door locked that he let out a strangled cry. He turned the water on in the sink to help drown out the noise of him breaking down. He didn’t want anyone to hear his sobs, but he needed to release the pain he was feeling. Quietly, his body shook as he silently cried his heart out over the sink. His eyes burned with the amount of tears that flowed, and his throat was sore from holding back the screams that wanted to erupt from his chest. His face was pinched in pain, his eyes screwed shut tight, and a look of agony etched over his features as he hiccuped from the grief. Eventually the sobbing subsided, and he was able to open his eyes, though they squinted from the sudden brightness of the room. He looked at himself in the mirror before him, and found a mess of a person looking back. He didn’t like the man reflected in the mirror, the sad, lonely man, whose heart no longer belonged to him, but neither to another. It felt like there was a massive hole in his chest where his heart should be, and was nothing but a battle wound that would never close.  
  
There was a knock on the door, as another patron needed to use the facilities. So with a quick splash of cold water on his face, and then drying off, he left the small washroom. He got the coffee he promised he would get, and sat back down in the booth. He never spoke, but stared straight ahead, lost in a sea of thoughts and emotions. Soon a reminder went off on his phone that he numbly turned off before standing to leave. He had a plane to catch, he had to go. Taking a taxi to the London Airport, he checked in for his flight to Amsterdam.  
  
While he was waiting at the airport he went through his satchel looking for his book, when he couldn’t find it. He began to panic, and tore everything out, hoping he had simply missed it, but it wasn’t there. He put everything back in his bag. He wanted to run back to the park to see if he could find it, but he didn’t have time. Plus he figured someone must have found it by now, it’s been hours. Cursing at himself, he ran his fingers through his hair. How could he be so careless. What if a fan found it, and was able to put two and two together guessing it was his. He wasn’t sure if that could happen, but in his current state of mind, he figured that was what was going to happen. He thought about looking on-line to see if anyone made mention of it, but then thought better of it. He didn’t think he could handle his deepest secrets being broadcast all over the Internet. Instead he turned his phone to silent and shoved it into his pants.

**~*~**

After getting off the train in Holyhead, Jack made his way to the ferry, hoping to not be noticed by anyone. He was very distracted by all the thoughts and emotions swirling around in his head. There was still more to the journal that Jack wanted to read, so finding a quiet, out of the way corner, he pulled the book back out. Luckily the ferry wasn’t filled, so he didn’t have to worry to much of someone recognizing him. At least he hoped. He opened to the page he had left off on the train, his cheeks tinging pink from the memory of what it had caused, and he turned to what was next. He read for a bit when part of the dream really caught his attention.  
  
_Finally I had set Jack up for a graceful spin, before dipping him down low and deeply looking into his eyes. I winked, and then finally let myself lean down to take Jack’s soft lips against my own in a passionate embrace._  
  
_“I don’t care if everyone knows…” I whispered, pulling Jack up against my chest again. “Because you’re mine…”_  
  
Jack’s breath was caught in his throat. He read the line over a few times, reveling in the electric feeling that coursed through him at the thought of being so … wanted. He had to swallow down a lump that had formed in his throat before continuing to read. The dream continued on into another night of lust filled sex, that Jack wasn’t sure reading on a ferry was such a good idea. However his interest was peaked, and he didn’t think he could stop now even if he wanted too. The scene was similar to the first, only this time it was dream Jack’s turn to bottom. The Irishman’ eyes widen, and his cheeks were flaming red as he read each and every detail of how Mark ravished him, turning kinks into pleasure, making his first time being penetrated so wild and exhilarating. He had to stop, and close his eyes, and will the raging erection that was caused from his reading, back down. He placed a hand over his eyes, though they were closed, and he bit his bottom lip as he knew his cheeks were burning. The last few lines replaying in his head.  
  
_Again, and as always, I found Jack as the most beautiful thing on my earth, and there was nothing that would change my mind._  
  
_“You’re fucking mine … understand?” I said with conviction._  
  
_Still regaining his breath, Jack closed his eyes and nodded. “I don’t want it any other way…”_  
  
He bit down on the side of his finger to steady his breathing. His body trembled as the emotions took over leaving him filled with want, and desire, but mostly with love. His eyes stung with the epiphany that rocked him to his core.  
  
Mark had been right, Jack didn’t want it any other way. He wanted the man to possess him. He wanted to look into those brown eyes that held the universe and be claimed by those soft lips. He wanted to feel the American’s arms hold him tightly, and feel himself be filled with Mark as they made love. He never thought in his life he’d ever want to have sex with another man, except now he wanted it more than ever before, but only with Mark. His Mark, his best friend, his … everything. He was going to find a way to make Mark his, and there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do to stop him.  
  
 Once he had calmed down, he found there was only a page left of the dream, and he continued it. The story of how they went out to enjoy their last night together before having to separate. He smiled as he read how they found their own way to a place to watch the stars. It was very similar to his own dream the day before, but unlike Jack’s dream, Mark’s didn’t have a happy ending. Jack’s smile fell, as he read how Mark hadn’t been able to tell him how he loved him. A tear slid down his cheek as he continued to read Mark’s emotions about it, the page on which he spent spilling his heart out.  
  
_Jack means everything to me. He’s the reason why I get up every morning, he’s why I smile, why I laugh, why I breathe. Without him I don’t know what I would do with myself. I love him so much that it hurts. Every morning when I wake up alone, my body aches from the loneliness. Every night when I lay down in my cold, empty bed, my arms long to hold him. Their only memory of touching him are from those rare minuets I get to actually see him in person and I’m allowed to hug him for only a brief moment in time. Oh how I wish I could stop the clock, and live forever in the spaces where I have him in my embrace. To feel his skin against mine as I press my face gently to his, to feel his arms around me, to hold him in mine. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. He is my world. My everything._  
  
Jack could feel his eyes sting again. He had hoped not to cry today. It was the last page that had been entered in the book, and it was barely a week old. He saw the date, and realized it was a few days before his Reading Your Comments video came out, and he remembers talking about dating Mark and Felix. The pieces of Mark’s sudden departure and grief suddenly clicked in his head. He groaned as he realized how all of this was his fault. He had told the world, that there was no way he’d ever find himself dating Mark, even if he had been gay he just couldn’t see it. He closed the book, and set it aside, as he bowed his head into his hands, his arms resting on his knees. Mark was trying to escape him because he had caused him so much pain. How could he had been so blind. How could he have been so stupid. This was all his fault.


	11. Coming home

From the ferry, to a train, Jack eventually made it home. He got something to eat between the two stops wondering what his plan of action was going to be. He had to find Mark, he knew that, he also had to figure out what he was going to do with Ally. He had almost forgotten about her while he was focused on the American. Truthfully, Mark was one the biggest reason she and him fought. She would constantly accuse him of obsessing over his American friend then he did with her. He argued he saw her everyday, since they lived together, and only got to see Mark during his travels. Sure they would text, and Skype, but not everyday, not as much as people thought they did. She could be clingy when she really wanted.  
  
He went to put his key in the door, but found it to already be unlocked. Something else they would argue over. She always left the front entrance unsecured. Which under normal circumstances was fine, but he wasn’t a normal person, and they have had fans show up on their doorstep before. So he wanted the door to always be locked, which she just didn’t bother with.   
  
He quietly walked in, figuring she was probably on her phone again. She accused him of constantly talking with Mark, but she was notorious for always talking with one of her girlfriends, even during inappropriate times like at dinner or when they were supposed to be cuddling on the couch. Sometimes he felt like she was only dating him for his notoriety.   
  
He walked in, and placed his travel bag down on a chair in their small kitchen, his suitcase against it. He went to start a pot of coffee, when he heard a noise coming from upstairs. Wondering if everything was alright, he walked over to the stairway. Listening, he heard a thumping noise coming from the upper floor. Quietly he walked up the steps, as the noise grew louder. He discovered it was coming from his bedroom, and as he got closer, he realized what it was. The thumping noise, coupled with the grunting noises he knew so well, his demeanor dropped like a stone. Slowly he walked up to the door and opened it carefully. The site that greeted him made him see red. With their bedsheets barely covering them, Ally was laying on her back, with her legs wrapped around the body of some tall, lanky man who was pounding into her. Her red hair splayed over her pillow, her hazel eyes screwed tight, as her mouth was open and panting from being drilled into the mattress.   
  
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jack exclaimed from the entryway.   
  
The lovers in the bed suddenly stopped, the man, looking over his shoulder at Jack, in complete shock at being caught. For a moment, the entire room and it’s occupants were perfectly still, when suddenly all chaos broke loose. The guy who was laying on top of Ally, quickly pulled off of her, and in one swift motion grabbed his cloths off the floor, got his pants on, without underwear, and ran from the room. Pushing past Jack as quickly as he could. Ally was scrambling to get her own clothes on as Jack just stood there in complete shock and dismay.   
  
“Baby, you’re home early,” she said.  
  
“DON’T YOU FUCKING CALL ME THAT!” Jack was furious.   
  
“Calm down Seán!” Ally said firmly.  
  
“CALM DOWN?” Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Jack demanded, stepping into the room.  
  
“This is all your fault you know,” Ally said, pulling her long red, straight hair up into a high pony tail, having gotten her pants and shirt on.   
  
“MY FAULT? HOW THE FUCK IS MY GIRLFRIEND CHEATING ON ME MY FAULT?” Jack yelled.  
  
“WELL IF YOU HADN’T RUN OFF TO SEE YOUR BOYFRIEND IN CALIFORNIA I WOULDN’T HAVE HAD A REASON TO CHEAT ON YOU!” She yelled back, stepping up to stand a foot away from him, her hands on her hips.   
  
Ally had a temper, especially when she was being defensive.   
  
OH MY FUCKING GOD, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!” Though at this point, Jack knew he wanted to say otherwise. “BUT IF HE WAS, AT LEAST HE WOULDN’T CHEAT ON ME!!” Not caring anymore, Jack let loose. He was done with her, and how she never treated him with any respect.   
  
“GO FUCK YOURSELF SEÁN!” She screamed before stomping out of the room, and headed down the stairs.   
  
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” He yelled back. He wasn’t going to put up with her shit.   
  
“WHAT?” She yelled from the bottom of the stairway.   
  
“YOU HEARD ME! I want you out, by the end of the night, pack all your shit, and get out,” he said, this time more calmly, but firmly as he headed down the stairwell.   
  
“YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!” She fought back, her face red with anger, her hazel eyes glinting with spite.  
  
He reached the final step, and looked her dead in the eyes. “Yes I can, and I am. We’re done. Go live with your little whore of a boyfriend, go back to your family in Tullamore, I don’t care where you go, just leave,” Jack said sternly.   
  
His heart hurt, his eyes stung, but he wasn’t going to cry, he wouldn’t let her see him break down. Not because of her. She didn’t deserve it. She didn’t even look sorry, just pissed off. Before he knew what happened, she slapped him across the face before she turned, grabbed her purse from the table by the door, and her shoes. He didn’t say anything as she gave him one last glare before she left, slamming the door behind her.   
  
He sat down on the step, letting his head hang forward, as he cradled it in his hands. First he looses Mark, now his girlfriend. His world just kept crumbling down around him. A cry escaped him, then another, and soon he was bawling hard as the feeling of betrayal over took him. He and Ally may have had their differences, but he still cared for her. They had been dating for almost two years, and for the most part, those were two good years. But she wanted more than he could give. More of his time, attention. It was why he invited her to live with him, so he could give her those things, but it wasn’t enough. She would get mad when he didn’t mention her in videos, or bring her along to some of the conventions he went to. Her temper would flare up, and they would fight. She’d sometimes ask for forgiveness, or he would depending on the situation. But she never respected his work, she didn’t really respect him. He gave her so much, and for so little in return.   
  
When he calmed down, he got up and slowly made his way back up to the second floor. He looked into his bedroom, and felt nauseous. He didn’t want to walk in, but he needed a few things. He grabbed an extra blanket out of the closet, and some clothes out of his dresser before heading out. He dropped the blanket on the floor outside the bathroom, and decided to take a shower to get the feeling of filth off his skin.   
  
The hot water pouring down his body would normally be relaxing, but there was still tension in his shoulders and back as he stood beneath the steady stream. He leaned forward, letting the water spray down the back of his green hair, down his neck and across his back, his eyes closed as he wondered what he was going to do. On one hand, breaking up with Ally freed him to pursue Mark, but on the other, Mark pushed him away. How was he supposed to convince the man to give him a chance, when it was his fault the American left to begin with.   
  
After twenty more minuets of thinking and then cleaning up, he got out. Once he was dressed, he snagged the blanket he left near the door and went back downstairs. He tossed the blanket on the couch, as that is where he would be sleeping for a while, and went into the kitchen to make that coffee he was distracted from earlier. Once it was brewed and he had a cup, he stood, leaning against the counter thinking about his options. He knew Ally would be back later, either to beg for forgiveness, which he wasn’t about to give, or to gather her stuff. He’d have to suck it up, and stand his ground. They were done, of that he was certain.   
  
Then he remember the GPS app. It was how he found Mark to begin with, thanks to Felix. He’d use it to find his best friend again, and this time, he wouldn’t return home empty handed. He wasn’t sure how, but he had to convince Mark that he was ready and willing to be with him.   
  
With renewed determination, Jack refilled his coffee and then went upstairs to his studio. He needed to make a bunch more videos as quickly as he could, because as soon as he had a few more days worth of content ready, he was going on a man hunt.


	12. Man Hunt

Just as Jack had expected Ally had come back with promises of staying true, and begging for forgiveness, but he wasn’t interested. She screamed some more at him, but he just ignored her, and watched as she packed up as much as she could in her suitcase. She had tears streaming down her face, almost as much as he did, but he was silent the entire time. He only spoke to her when he told her when she could come back to get the rest of her belongings. Once she had what she could carry, he walked her to the door, and asked for his house key back. With one final plea, she begged to stay, but he shook his head no, sadness etched across his face. Begrudgedly she removed the key from her collection and handed it to him, before gathering her things and walking down the steps of their home. With a final glance to her retreating form, he closed the door gently and slid the key into his pocket.  
  
Later that day, he saw a message on Twitter from her out to everyone. It was no secret in the community that they were dating, so she had a lot of followers.  
  
**Breaking up is hard to do** , she sent out.  
  
She had gotten many responses almost immediately, and they were all sympathetic towards her. Oh if only the public knew what had caused the break up, he would bet they wouldn’t be so kind. For the moment he let it be, but he made sure to keep a eye on social media, he knew how she could turn a situation to her favor. Which would be bad press for him.  
  
After that, he focused on pumping out videos, and sending them off to Robin. He contacted his friend, and editor, to let him know he would be extending his vacation, and would get back with him about when his return to regular business would be. Robin offered to help out by creating a new animation for Jack, so he would have an extra video to count on. Jack was so grateful for the man, and glad he had found him and became friends. For the first time in a few days, he really smiled.  
  
After three days of recording, Jack felt like he had enough to keep him going for a while longer. He pushed himself like never before, barely sleeping, and eating quick bites of take-away and pizza between recording. He wasn’t editing anything, he didn’t want to waste time, he relied solely on Robin for that. He made a note to give the man the biggest thanks as soon as he could focus again. Thankfully he didn’t have to put up too much of a front when it came to his emotions for his videos. The community already knew about his break-up, but he still did his best to stay happy and cheerful, even if his smile didn’t go all the way to his eyes. Knowing he would be going after Mark helped. It gave him motivation, and when the sadness threatened to take hold, he would focus on Mark’s words from his journal, and how much he meant to the American.  
  
Once he was confident he could leave for a few more days, he pulled up the GPS tracking app on his phone, and punched in Mark’s number. After searching, it found the American in Paris, France.  
  
“Gotcha!” Jack said with a smile.

**~*~**

He had to leave from Dublin, which means a little over an hour on the train from home, but from there it was only an hour and half flight to Paris. He had changed out his clothes in his travel bag, but he kept Mark’s journal to have something to read during his traveling. He wasn’t sure how he was going to explain having it, but he hoped that in his defense it was pivotal in his own self discovery, and Mark would forgive him for having it.  
  
The train ride from Athlone to Dublin was uneventful. He would either read a passage or two from Mark’s journal, staying away from the sex scenes as he didn’t have the luxury of a private cabin and didn’t need to be dealing with a full blown erection while around others. Or he would get on his phone either to check Mark’s location, making sure he didn’t leave Paris, or to check social media for damage control due to his now ex. So far she hadn’t posted anything else, which he was grateful for. He, himself was getting many messages from his community asking if he was alright, or wishing him well. He sent out a Twitter post, saying he was going to be fine. He loved his community, he had the best by far, as they were always so loving and there for him, and each other in a moments notice.  
  
Once he was in Dublin, he had about a half hour before he had to be at the airport, so he stopped to get some lunch at a local deli. He sat in a wooden booth, towards the back of the shop, and watched Mark’s little icon bob around the screen. It didn’t give an exact location, but it was good enough that he knew he’d be able to find the man easily. Just like he did the first time, and Felix before him.

**~*~**

Mark was standing before the Eiffel Tower, mesmerized by the shear height of it, and what it must have taken to create it. He had spent a day in Amsterdam, then traveled to Brussels, where he did some site seeing. Now he was in Paris, trying to focus on all the beautiful structures, artwork, and culture, but his thoughts kept going back to Jack. He knew worrying about his book was pointless, so he didn’t give it too much more thought, but he couldn’t get the Irishman out of his mind. He wondered what the man was doing, if he was even thinking of him. The way he just left, despite Mark telling him too, and didn’t even look back, broke Mark’s heart even more. He knew he was right all along, the Irishman would never love him back the way Mark loved him.  
  
He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the feelings dissipate, and the memory fade. He was trying to move on, he needed to stop thinking about Jack. Find someone else if possible, or at the very least find something to distract himself from his grief. His hands were shoved in his pants pockets, and he could feel his phone. It was still on silent mode. He hadn’t bother to check it in the three days since he left London. He’d only flip it on long enough to see the time, and that was it. It felt weird not going on-line to see all his fans and friends talking to him, but as time passed, he found he was rather enjoying the peace and quiet. He just fiddled with it for a few moments before he moved on.

**~*~**

On the flight to Paris Jack couldn’t sit still in his seat. He was grateful it wasn’t the long ride to the states, but due to his current mission it might as well be, because it felt like it took just as long to jump across the sea. Before they even touched down Jack had the tracker app up and Mark’s location marked on a map. Since all he brought was his travel bag, which he stored in the over head compartment, he didn’t have to wait for any extra baggage. So when they were able to leave, he was quick to grab his bag and race to the exit.  
  
The airport was at least a good thirty minuets outside of Paris and he had to hail a cab as quickly as he could, because he could see that Mark was on the move. He must have also gotten into a cab, as his marker was moving quickly. He was at the Eiffel Tower, but had moved a few miles northwest. At this rate, Mark was moving father away, and Jack wasn’t sure how long it would take to catch up. He tried to get the cabbie to drive faster, but his French was limited, and there was too much traffic anyway. He could only lean back and watch out the window at the passing scenery, with his bag by his side, his hand over the book that was inside.

**~*~**

Mark had stopped at a restaurant called Hansan, as he over heard someone, who actually spoke English, talk about it. He wasn’t sure if it was good or not, but there was at least a possibility of one of the wait staff speaking his language. He was seated by a waitress who wasn’t impressed with his American accent, and given a menu before she walked away. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he wanted to check the time, but on his screen was a message from Bob and Wade. Curious, he opened his phone and found he also had a couple of messages from Felix. Reading them over, he discovered that Ally and Jack had broken up. They were wondering if he knew what happened, or was even aware of it. He was shocked, and he wasn’t sure what to think. He sent Jack home, only for him and his girlfriend to break up. He couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. He knew she wasn’t a fan of his. Whenever he would video skype with Jack, if she came into frame, she’d give him a dirty look and make some snide comment. He was glad that Jack didn’t have to put up with her anymore, but he also knew the Irishman must be heartbroken from the loss of someone he cared about. He sent a response back to them, letting them know he hadn’t known about it until just now, it was just then a new waitress came over to his table.  
  
“Well hello there, American?” she asked politely.  
  
“Yes! Thank God, someone who speaks English,” he said with a smile.  
  
She laughed a little as she unabashedly looked him over. He was wearing his lucky flannel today, and a pair of blue jeans, along with his baseball cap. Which he had removed after sitting down.  
  
“My name is Teagan, and I’ll be your waitress today,” she said sweetly. “So where you from, besides the states?”  
  
“From L.A.” he said grinning. He was grateful that she didn’t recognize him, or if she did, she was being professional about it.  
  
“Nice, I’m from Michigan myself, but after coming here for college, I fell in love and had to come back,” she expressed. “So, what would you like today? Need any help reading the menu?” She asked.  
  
“Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d appreciate it,” he said.  
  
He noticed she was rather pretty. Blue eyes, reddish brown thick hair, pulled up into a pony tail, and a lovely smile. She had a rather curvy body, not to skinny, and her lilac colored shirt was a v-neck, that showed a nice amount of cleavage, especially when she leaned over to look at the menu with him.  
  
He wasn’t sure if he should try to get her number or not, seeing as how he didn’t know how long he’d be in France, but if nothing else, it would be nice to make a new friend. Especially if she didn’t know who he was.

**~*~**

Jack noticed that he was having issues with service. The app would go down, and he would have to reload it, hoping Mark hadn’t moved. For over thirty minuets he was still in the same location, which Jack discovered was a restaurant. He had hoped to catch up with the American there, but just as the cab driver was about to drop him off, the app went down, and by the time Jack was able to get it loaded again, Mark wasn’t were he was before. He was now on the move again, and it looked like he was heading back towards the Eiffel Tower.  
  
“To the Eiffel Tower!” Jack said to the cab driver after getting his attention.  
  
The driver was not happy about being told to change, but thankfully it wasn’t to far out of the way. They had almost reached the restaurant, and would have gotten there sooner if it wasn’t for traffic. Jack kept his eyes peeled, looking for any other cab that might have a passenger with shocking red hair. Then he remembered, Mark had been wearing a hat, so he had to keep that in mind.  
  
Looking frantically around, he tried to peek into any other cab they came up too. Then, just as he was about to give up hope, he saw a familiar red and black pattern shirt leaning against a cab window. He tapped the glass to get the cab drivers attention and told him to follow the cab with Mark in it. The man rolled his eyes, but did as he was asked.  
  
Mark’s car was two ahead and on the right, and gaining speed, so for a moment they lost him. However the cab driver seem to know where they were going, and didn’t slow down. Eventually they stopped before the giant monument, and Jack quickly paid and got out. He searched everywhere, hoping this was where Mark was. He looked back down at his phone, cursing at the app to load faster. Soon it was working again, and Mark was close by.


	13. Finding Peace

Jack looked up, and scanned the area. There were many people around, some walking, other’s just sitting in the grass enjoying the view. He was in the green park area just south of the tower, and walked around trying to find his friend. As the panic set in that he might have lost him, he thought he saw Mark walking off in the distance.   
  
Jack took off at a run, and hoped he wouldn’t loose him again. He ran down a pathway hoping to catch up, and found he had to choose a direction, left or right. He choose the left path and slowed down only for a moment to scan an area where there were picnic tables, and a small pavilion. Just past that was a more grassy areas, and far up ahead was Mark.   
  
How the hell did he get all the way up there? Jack thought as he ran.   
  
“MARK!” he bellowed. Running further, “MARK!” he yelled again, this time getting the American’s attention.   
  
Mark turned with a confused expression, and waited for Jack to catch up.   
  
“What are you doing here?” Mark asked looking baffled. “And how the HELL do you keep finding me?” the American demanded.   
  
Jack was leaning over, breathing heavy from the run, and needed a moment to catch his breath.   
  
“I really need to work out more,” he said quietly, more to himself than the other. “We need to talk,” Jack finally managed to say standing up to look Mark in the eyes.   
  
“I’m really sorry about you and Ally breaking up,” was Mark’s reply. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”  
  
“What?” This time it was Jack’s turn to be confused. “What are you talkin’ about? It’s not your fault,” Jack corrected him.  
  
“She didn’t break up with you because you went after me?” Mark asked.  
  
“No, I broke up with her because I came home to find her getting plowed into the mattress by another bloke,” Jack said bitterly.   
  
Mark’s expression went from confusion to shock. “Damn, I’m sorry Jack. You walked in on it?”   
  
“Yeah, … not something I ever want to relive,” Jack said taking a tentative step forward, wanting to be within arms reach of his friend. “Look, can we talk … about us,” Jack asked.  
  
“I didn’t think there was an us,” Mark said looking down, his expression falling.   
  
“I just want you to know … well …” Jack was suddenly at a loss for words.   
  
Then he remembered something. Reaching into his bag, he pulled out Mark’s journal. The American’s eyes widened as Jack handed it to him.   
  
“What?” Mark said quietly.  
  
“I must have accidentally picked it up when I grabbed my stuff the last time we saw each other. I swear I didn’t mean to do it,” Jack explained.   
  
Mark held the book tight, closing his eyes as if containing himself from exploding. “Did you read it?” He asked as he put it in his bag.  
  
Jack rubbed at the back of his neck nervously, he knew he’d be asked, but that didn’t make answering any easier.   
  
“Yeah. Look, I know I shouldn’t have, and for invading your privacy, I’m really sorry, but for what it’s worth, it helped me realize a few things,” Jack went on to explain.   
  
He could tell Mark was having a hard time holding it together, his eyes were turning red and glassy from the tears that threatened to fall, and he had a sad expression on his face.   
  
“What are they?” Mark asked quietly, a hint of hope in his voice.   
  
“What are what?” Jack asked not sure what Mark wanted to know.  
  
The other man heaved a sigh before trying again. “What is is that you realized?” he asked.   
  
“That I’m blind as a fookin’ bat for not seeing how much I mean to you.” Jack said, feeling his chest hitch from the emotions coursing through him as he watched Mark’s face for any signs that might help him know he was getting through. “That you love me…” he said before Mark cut him off.   
  
“I do love you Seán,” Mark said looking directly at him. “But … I’m only a man, and I can’t give you what you want. I’m not Ally, or any other woman. All I can do is love you,” Mark tried to explain.  
  
“Then just love me dammit, because I need to be loved,” Jack said horsely. His eyes stung from the threat of tears. Without warning, Jack reached forward and pulled Mark into a fierce embrace, with his right arm around Mark’s shoulders and his left wrapped about the larger man’s back, and he held on as tight as he could. A sigh escaped him when Mark’s arms finally wrapped around his smaller frame, and the man’s head rested on Jack’s shoulder. “I miss you so damn much you arrogant asshole. Don’t you ever leave me again,” Jack said between sobs. “I can’t … I can’t ever loose you,” the tears were now streaming down Jack’s face, and Mark could only cry into the crook of Jack’s neck. “I fucking love you too much. Do you hear me, I FUCKING LOVE YOU!” Jack yelled, which made Mark’s body shake. Then more quietly he whispered. “I love you Mark, … forever and always,” and he held fast to his best friend.   
  
After a few minuets Mark pulled back enough so he could face Jack, but his expression was still sad and hurting. “What about what you said in your video?” he said between sobs.  
  
“What?” Jack asked confused.  
  
“You said you weren’t gay,” Mark said unable to look at Jack.  
  
“… Well I’m not,” Jack started, and he could see Mark scrunch up his eyes again, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t love you. Or …” and his voice got quieter, “or find you so damn … God dammit man,” Jack said and he pulled Mark into a gentle kiss.   
  
The kiss was tender and slow, but was filled with so much emotion it drove both men to more tears. Mark’s hands were gripping Jack as if he was trying to keep the man from suddenly disappearing. After many minuets they had to break apart in order to breath.  
  
“As I was tryin’ to say, I realized that you mean the world to me. That I don’t want to be anywhere but right here, in your arms. … I’m yours Mark, if you’ll have me?” Jack said with a soft smile, tears running down his face.   
  
Mark broke into a huge smile, nodding before he pulled Jack back into a deeper kiss. Jack’s hand slid up into the short hairs on the back of Mark’s head, and held the man close. He felt as Mark’s tongue slid across his bottom lip, and he gasped allowing the other man entrance. Mark tasted like heaven, and felt like pure paradise. Jack’s mind began to get foggy from the sensation of being kissed so throughly. Pulling back, they were both smiling like fools, and Jack couldn’t help but giggle a bit, his mind still drunk from the kiss.   
  
“Seán?” Mark said quietly looking up at the Irishman.   
  
“Hmm,” was Jack’s way of acknowledging him, as he gazed happily into those brown pools that held his universe.   
  
“Will you please be my boyfriend?” Mark asked officially.   
  
“I thought you’d never ask,” Jack answered with a smile, “Yes,” he said before he kissed Mark again.   
  
They stayed like that a little while longer before they finally broke apart from each other. Holding hands, they began to walk back the way they had originally come from, but before they could go to far, Mark pulled Jack back to him, lifting him up in an embrace.   
  
“YES! MINE!” the American yelled out as he spun Jack around making the Irishman laugh.


	14. City of Love

They walked around for a while, talking, kissing, holding hands. They felt free to be themselves, and not worry about who they ran into. Once they got back to the Eiffel Tower, they took a cute photo of the two of them, arms around each other’s waist, huge smiles, in front of the massive structure. Mark asked him about reading the journal, and Jack was honest about everything, how he had read it all, and what he thought about it. It was a bit embarrassing, but he felt he owed Mark the truth without holding back. Robin had texted Jack at some point, letting him know that all his hard work had paid off, as he was now set for another full week off if he wanted. Mark was beside himself with gratitude that Jack would go so such lengths in order to come after him, to which Jack reminded him that it was what people do when they’re in love. Mark smiled like an idiot for it.  
  
They made their way to a shop that sold groceries, non-food items, and had a small deli in the back. They got dinner there, and decided to do a little shopping, so they could bring some food back to Mark’s hotel room. They separated for a bit, as the American went in search of a restroom. Jack went down the toiletries aisle and found a few items he hoped he would need for later. Once they were reunited and had paid for their stuff, they made their way to the hotel.   
  
It wasn’t the Four Seasons, but it was still quaint and not overly crowded. Something Jack wasn’t used too, because he normally only stayed in a hotel during a convention. So the lack of people milling about the location was a nice change of pace. They were on the fourth floor, and the place was lovely. A double bed situated in the center of the room, looking straight ahead to a pair of double doors that opened to a small balcony, where the Eiffel Tower could clearly be seen. A small dresser was against the wall to the left of the double doors, with a lamp, some vases of flowers sitting on it, and small television mounted on the wall above the chest. To the right of the balcony doors was a small black desk facing the apposing wall, with a matching black chair, and another small lamp. There was another window in the apposing wall near the dresser, and there were matching end tables on either side of the comfortable bed. Off to the side of the room, near the desk was a door to the bathroom, which also had a small closet. The orange and cream stripped walls, leading down into a cream colored baseboard adorned the walls. The room was perfect.   
  
After they put their belongings away, Mark pulled Jack up against him, leaning into a gentle kiss. It was almost as if he wasn’t sure this was real or not, so Jack made sure to kiss back with such passion there was no room for doubt.  
  
Their hands were everywhere, exploring, touching, tugging at clothing as their kissing heated up. Jack nudged Mark forward a bit until the man fell back onto the bed. The American scooted up until his whole body was laying on the plush bedding, and Jack crawled over top of him, slowly laying his body over top of the other man. He had a million butterflies in his stomach, and was more nervous then he has felt in a long time, and it must have shown on his face.  
  
“You alright?” Mark asked. “We don’t have to do anything you know,” his boyfriend said, caressing his cheek gently.   
  
“I know, but I want to,” Jack assured him, though his face was flushed pink. “I guess I’m just nervous,” he admitted.   
  
“You know, it’s just like with a girl, only no boobs,” Mark tried to assure him. Jack laughed before he leaned down and kissed the American below him.   
  
Mark’s hands roamed his body, sliding under his shirt, causing the Irishman to gasp. He suddenly felt like he was wearing far too much clothing, and he leaned up far enough to pull at his shirt, trying to get it over his head when a second pair of hands helped him out of it. The garment was tossed to the floor, as a soft pair of lips started kissing his chest making their way up to his neck. Jack tilted his head slightly to the side to give Mark more access as the man worked up to beneath his ear, sucking, and nipping slightly. It didn’t take long for the American to find his sensitive spot which caused him to gasp.   
  
Jack slid his hands under Mark’s shirt, tugging at it slightly, hoping the other would get the hint. After he reached up and gave a quick pinch to his boyfriend’s nipple, the man leaned up and between the two, they got his flannel off of him. Jack took this opportunity to place kisses along Mark’s jawline, down his neck, under his ear, in search of that sweet spot that would turn his lover into a mess. As he nipped along Mark’s neck, a low groan escaped from the American, and Jack knew had found his jackpot. He nipped at the spot again, sucking down on it which only caused for more beautiful sounds to escape his lover, before he licked it and gave it sweet kisses to sooth the pain. Soon, there was a nice dark hickey where he lavished the man. When Jack saw what he had done, an sexy smirked formed on his lips as he suddenly felt very possessive and was over come with the need to mark the man beneath him so the world would know he was taken, and belonged to Jack. With a new goal in mind, Jack set about adding another to his boyfriend’s neck, which in turned caused the man to cry out in pleasure.   
  
“SEÁN!” Mark called as Jack bit down in the crevice between Mark’s neck and shoulder.   
  
“You’re Mine!” Jack said with authority, his body grinding down on Mark’s as he darkened the spot on the man’s throat.   
  
“Yesss,” Mark hissed, making the sweetest noises as his back arched, pushing himself into Jack as the Irishman marked his territory. He eventually moved his mouth slowly back towards his lover’s and kissed Mark deeply, exploring the man’s mouth, fighting for dominance.   
  
As their kisses became more intense, and their bodies pressed against each other, Jack found wearing pants was becoming cumbersome. He slid his hand down Mark’s torso, and to the edge of the man’s jeans, coming to rest on the button of his lover’s pants.   
  
“Can I?” Jack asked, he was still slightly unsure on far Mark wanted to take this, though he himself was more than ready to satisfy all his curiosities.   
  
“Fuck yes,” was Mark’s breathy reply.   
  
Jack made quick work of opening both Mark’s and his own jeans, quickly pushing down his own, as Mark did the same, kissing the entire time. Left only in their briefs, Jack ran a hand across Mark’s erection making the man push his head back into the pillows, as a low groan escaped his lips. Jack kissed down his chest, as his right hand rubbed against the clothed cock straining against the material.   
  
“Fuck…” Mark whispered, his hands roaming across Jack’s naked back and shoulders.   
  
Jack kissed all the way down Mark’s chest and stomach, reaching the man’s bellybutton, and dipped his tongue in for a second before kissing right above the edge of his lover’s briefs. Slipping his finger under the material, he pulled it down, and kissed over to his boyfriend’s hip, sucking on the spot until it darkened to a nice shade of purple. Mark’s hand had found their way into Jack’s hair, and held him in place as his body trembled from the Irishman’s kisses.   
  
“No one’s going to see hickeys on my hips,” Mark said breathlessly.   
  
“I will,” Jack countered, as he moved to kiss the other side, pulling the briefs down further.   
  
He could tell that Mark was holding back, trying not to arch his hips into Jack’s face, but his body would occasionally jerk forward when he put extra pressure into his kisses.   
  
“Stop holding back Mark,” Jack said against Mark’s skin.   
  
It took a moment for Mark to answer, “I don’t want to …”   
  
“To what?” Jack asked curious.  
  
“… To scare you off,” Mark said looking down catching Jack’s eyes.   
  
“You can’t,” Jack reassured him. “I love you” he said, then placed another kiss to Mark’s hip. “I want this,” he said against his lover’s body before sucking in the skin once more, wanting to make sure the mark he left behind was as dark as he could get it. This time, Mark didn’t stop himself from pushing up against the Irishman, as he moaned Jack’s given name.   
  
Jack slid his hands over Mark’s briefs and slid them down his lover’s body, pulling them all the way off, enjoying the new view he had created. He knew his face was red, and he was nervous, since he had never touched another man in such a way, but his love and desire was greater than his nerves as he slid his hands up Mark’s legs, loving the sensation of the skin against his palms.   
  
“God you’re sexy,” Jack whispered as his hands roamed closer and closer to Mark’s fully aroused erection.   
  
Jack slid his hand up the length of Mark’s cock, making the man suck in air. The American pulled the Irishlad down against him, and kissed him passionately, as his hands found their way to Jack’s ass, and slipped under the cotton briefs. Before Jack knew what was happening, his last shred of clothing was yanked down off his body, leaving them both naked. Mark pulled him down, so their bodies slotted together perfectly. The gamer kissed along Jack’s neck, his hands gliding across the Irishman’s back, and ass, grabbing and touching everywhere. Jack had his head leaning back to give his lover access, while his own hands held onto Mark’s sides, touching as much as he could, while holding himself up on his elbows.   
  
Together they simultaneously began to grind against each other, their dicks sliding firmly together, causing both men to groan. Jack slid a hand down, and sneaked it in between their bodies, palming Mark’s dick, then down to cup the man’s balls. Taking a chance, he slid his hand further down, putting pressure against the man’s perineum, which made Mark arch his hips upward. Wanting more, he slid a finger further, until it reached Mark’s entrance, and he gently put pressure against the opening.   
  
“I want you,” Jack whispered against his lover’s lips.   
  
“Oh fuck yes,” was Mark’s reply, as he raised his left leg, giving Jack better access. “Wait… we need, fuck, I don’t have any…” Mark was trying to say between gasps from Jack’s touches.   
  
“I got ya babe,” Jack said as he quickly reached over to the bedside table. Yanking the drawer open, he grabbed the small bottle of lube he had snuck in there earlier.   
  
Mark had a look of surprise when he realized Jack had planned for this, and a huge smile spread across his face.   
  
“You’re really serious,” Mark said looking up to Jack as the Irishman flipped the cap open.  
  
“Help me,” Jack said, handing the bottle to Mark. The American squeeze it until a decent amount came out onto Jack’s fingers.   
  
He rubbed them together a bit, slicking up his digits before putting them back to Mark’s entrance. With a kiss to his lover, he slowly slid his index finger into the American causing a low hiss to come from the man beneath him.   
  
“Fuck that feels good,” Mark said softly closing his eyes.   
  
Jack kissed along his boyfriend’s neck as his finger glided in and out of his lover. After a few strokes, he added the other, scissoring the man open, causing him to gasp and moan.   
  
“Just like that Seán, fuck yeah baby, that feels amazing,” Mark encourage him.   
  
He pushed his fingers up until he felt a soft bulge and nudged it, the reaction was instant.  
  
“OH FUCK!” Mark pushed his head back, eyes closed tight, pleasure written all over his face.   
  
Jack loved the noises he could make come from his boyfriend, every groan, mew and gasp, and he also loved the exclamations, and praise just as equally. Every word would send a shiver down his spine and encourage him to continue. With his own breathing speeding up, he worked his fingers in and out of Mark’s body, hitting the man’s prostate as often as he could. Soon, Mark was a moaning mess beneath him, and it was a glorious site.   
  
“Seán, I need you,” Mark whispered, placing kisses along his jawline.   
  
Jack could only nod, as he grabbed for the bottle of lube once more. He put a good amount along his own erection, before he lined himself up with Mark’s entrance. Looking up, locking eyes with his lover, he pressed forward, and felt heat course through his body as he slid into his lover. The tightness was almost overwhelming and a low groan escaped his own throat and mixed with the moaning that came from Mark as the man was being filled. He pressed forward until he couldn’t go any further, and stopped to allow Mark the chance to get used to the sensation.   
  
“Make love to me,” Mark said to Jack after a minuet, and he took that as his cue to start moving his hips into the man beneath him.  
  
He was leaning forward, elbows on the bed on either side of Mark, as his hips pumped into his boyfriend, his eyes never leaving Mark’s. He leaned down and kissed his lover gently, taking his time. He wanted their first time to be memorable, slow, passionate. They could have fast and furious another time, this time, it was important to him to show Mark how much he was loved, and desired.   
  
“I love you so fucking much,” Jack whispered into Mark’s ear before kissing down the man’s neck.   
  
They continued their slow steady movements, only allowing their speed to build casually over time.  
  
He could feel his orgasm building, but he didn’t want to finish so soon. He wanted to draw it out as much as he could. Mark was making the most beautiful noises, punctured by “Oh fuck,” as his hips met Jack’s halfway. Jack lifted his body slightly so he could look down at his love, as he wanted to watch as Mark orgasmed. He was now moving at a greater speed, encouraged by Mark’s own hip thrusting, and he snuck a hand between them, and started stroking Mark’s length in time to their movements.   
  
“I’m so close,” Mark said panting, his arms wrapped around Jack’s body, eyes closed, mouth hanging open.   
  
“Look at me,” Jack said, wanting to see the fire in Mark’s eyes.   
  
His lover opened his eyes, locking them with Jack’s, as their thrusting became more frantic.   
  
“I love you,” Mark said, never tearing his eyes from Irishman’s.   
  
“I love you,” Jack answered, as he felt the all too familiar tightness in his balls. “Fuck, I’m going to cum,” he said knowing he was so close.   
  
“Me too baby,” Mark said with a grunt.. “FUCK, SEÁN!” the American yelled out as he released all over Irishman’s hand.   
  
Mark’s orgasm made him tightened around Jack, which coupled with seeing his eyes come to life with pleasure, sent Jack over the edge as he unloaded inside his lover. His body shook as the pleasure over took him, and he nearly collapsed on top of Mark from the power of it. Slowly he slid out of the American, and laid down beside his boyfriend.   
  
“That was fucking amazing,” Jack said when he could think straight.   
  
“Mmmhmm,” was Mark’s reply.   
  
Jack peeked over at him, and saw the most happy and content look on his lover’s face that it almost made him giggle. Though the smile that graced his features was hard to deny.   
  
“You’re so beautiful,” Jack said, gently caressing Mark’s cheek, before he leaned over and kissed him. After a moment, Jack pulled back and decided it best to get a towel to clean them up.   
  
Hobbling to the bathroom, he retrieved a washcloth and warmed it with hot water, before returning and cleaning up both himself and Mark. Once done, he helped his lover get under the covers of their bed, where they snuggled, Mark laying over Jack’s chest, his head in the crook of Jack’s arm, soon to fall asleep.


	15. Love me tender

**~*~**

The next morning, Mark woke to find himself spooning a warm, green haired body. He nuzzled the back of Jack’s neck, placing a soft kiss to the short hairs there. His arms were circled around the smaller man’s waist, and their legs were entwined comfortably. For the first time in what felt like forever, Mark felt truly happy and content. By some twist of fate, his life went from being a disaster to having the man of his dreams lay peacefully in his arms after an amazing night of making love. The hole that once existed in his chest was now filled with Jack’s heart and the love that came with it. The smile that spread across his face was so big, it caused his cheeks to hurt, and his eyes to sting from the tears that threatened to fall, all from the happiness he felt. If he could, he would bottle this feeling up to save for the days when he would need it.  
  
He wasn’t tired enough to go back to sleep, but he wasn’t about to move either. The sleeping man in his arms simply felt to perfect. After an hour of merely existing, dozing off for a few minuets every now and then, Jack finally began to stir. He turned in the American’s arms and Mark watched as the Irishman woke. Soon blue eyes blinked open, and a smile spread across his handsome face.  
  
“Good morning sexy,” Mark said, his voice still deep from lack of use.  
  
“Yes it is,” Jack said, his own voice deep from sleep, as he gave Mark a small kiss.  
  
They laid like that for a while, simply enjoying the sensation of just holding each other before Jack spoke up.  
  
“What do you want to do today?” He asked.  
  
“This is good,” Mark said smiling, giving the Irishman a squeeze.  
  
“You know, we’ll eventually need to eat,” Jack countered, his face nuzzling Mark’s neck. Placing small kisses over the purple marks he had left the night before.  
  
“We brought food, we can have breakfast in bed,” Mark offered.  
  
He really didn’t want to get up if he could help it. For one, he was really enjoying being naked in bed with his love, and the other being he was a tad bit sore from the previous night’s activities. Not that he was complaining.  
  
“True,” Jack agreed. He was then silent for a moment, going back to placing little kisses on Mark’s neck. “I wouldn’t mind a shower though,” he said after a while. “Maybe you’d like to help?” Jack asked, grinning against Mark’s skin. He then took a nip at the American’s throat before soothing it with a kiss.  
  
“Mmmmmm” Mark responded, loving the sensation of Jack’s mouth against his body. “Shower sounds good,” he agreed.  
  
After a few kisses, they eventually made their way to the bathroom, where they casually got clean in the hot shower, but only after getting a little more dirty by giving each other mutual hand jobs.  
  
After their shower, they retrieved their food that they had bought the day before and enjoyed breakfast on the bed, while talking, laughing and sharing kisses. By the afternoon, after having spent the morning being lazy in bed, they decided to head out for a late lunch. They made plans to spend most of the rest of Jack’s vacation in Paris, before heading to Ireland to gather some belongings before heading back to L.A. After getting dressed, they headed out. They traveled around Paris, acting like a couple of tourists, taking in the sites, with many pictures along the way. By the time they got back to the hotel, they were laden with a souvenirs, and some more food so they wouldn’t have to leave their room the next day.  
  
Jack had wanted a quick shower after returning, complaining lightly about the hot weather making him feel sweaty. Mark, not wanting to be clingy gave him his space and took advantage of the time to place a few newly bought candles around the room to make it more romantic. As the light flickered off the wall, creating a warm, inviting feeling to the space, he stripped down to his briefs, and laid down on the bed. Soon after Jack came out wrapped only in a towel.  
  
“Wow!” Jack said, noticing the ambiance of the room. “You know how to set the mood Markimoo,” he said coming to sit down on the bed.  
  
He removed the towel, not bothering to put anything on, and crawled towards Mark.  
  
“Anything for you Baby,” Mark said, pulling Jack into a kiss.  
  
Jack laid down on his back, as Mark leaned over him, continuing with lazy kisses. They continued this way for a while, kissing each other, tasting the other, neither fighting for control, just enjoying the sensation. During their slow exploration, Mark’s briefs were removed and tossed aside.  
  
Jack had his arms wrapped around Mark’s back, soft moans escaping the Irishman as Mark’s hand explored his body, caressing him in various places.  
  
Mark, wanting more, placed kisses along Jack’s jawline, tracing his way down to the man’s neck, exploring the sensitive skin with his lips, eliciting moans from the man beneath him. He found a particular spot, just below Jack’s ear that caused the Irishman to gasp, and arch his chest slightly that Mark took favor with. Remembering his own collection of hickeys, he opened his mouth and sucked in a large amount of skin as he pressed his body more firmly against his lover. Jack ran his fingers through Mark’s hair, pulling him in while moaning.  
  
“Yes… Make me yours Mark,” Jack whispered encouraging the man to continue.  
  
Mark continued to suck, and nip at the spot until it was a deep purple, like the ones left on his own body. When he pulled his head back up and looked at his boyfriend, he was met with a look full of lust and desire.  
  
“I want you so fucking bad,” Jack said in a sultry voice Mark had never heard before, but sent a shiver all the way down his spine and into his groin.  
  
Jack then pulled him down into a firey kiss that left him breathless.  
  
“You may have to be gentle with me tonight Love, I’m still a little sore from last night,” Mark said softly.  
  
Jack’s face turned bright red, and he looked down at Mark’s lips before looking him in the eye with a soft smirk.  
  
“I mean … I want you … inside me,” Jack said a little nervously.  
  
Mark could see, both lust and fear in Jack’s eyes, but also a smile on his lips.  
  
“Are you sure? … I know you’ve never …” Mark wasn’t sure how to word it, but he didn’t have to.  
  
“I know. … But after what I read in your journal, and then knowing how much pleasure I brought you last night, I’m … curious. I want to know what it’s like,” Jack kissed him gently. “I want to be yours completely,” he said with a soft grin.  
  
Mark couldn’t help but smile, while his heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest with how much love he had for this man.  
  
“You’re amazing Seán,” Mark said, giving him a kiss. “I promise to be gentle, and if you change your mind, tell me immediately and we’ll stop,” Mark said, to which Jack nodded.  
  
They continued their kissing, Mark leaving another hickey on Jack’s throat, not to far from the first one. Not wanting to stop there, he kissed down Jack’s body, stopping to lavish the Irishman’s sensitive nipples. He figured since the lad was always playing with them himself, they had to be an erogenous zone for him, and sure enough they were when Jack moaned and arched his chest forward.  
  
By the time he got down to Jack’s stomach his boyfriend was fully erect and twitching. Mark slid a hand up and down Jack’s length, eliciting a groan from his lover, and he kissed the area around the hard cock, teasing the man.  
  
“Fucking Hell Mark, stop being a tease,” Jack said through gritted teeth.  
  
“But I like being a tease,” Mark said with a laugh.  
  
“Fuck you!” Jack said breathlessly just as Mark kissed the underside of his raging hardon.  
  
“No.. It’s your turn, remember,” Mark again teased, speaking against Jack’s skin.  
  
Then he laid his tongue flat against the vein going along Jack’s cock, and gave it a long lick, from the tip down to the base. His tongue then flicked out against the man’s balls, before he licked his way back up. This caused a long low groan to escape the Irishman.  
  
Mark continue his torturous slow lapping of Jack’s member before finally slipping the head into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the head a few times, before he let the long shaft slide down into his throat. He could feel Jack’s hand find it’s way into his hair, gently pressing against the back of his head, as a stream of moans, and oh fucks fell from the lad’s mouth.  
  
He kept one hand pressed into Jack’s hip, holding him down, as the other alternated from playing with the man’s balls, to gripping the bottom part of his shaft, as Mark continue to suck and lick on the Irishman’s length. He could tell that Jack wanted to buck his hips, but was holding back, even though he did twitch on the occasion.  
  
“Mark… please baby, I want to feel you inside me,” Jack pleaded, as he looked down into Mark’s brown eyes.  
  
With a small pop, he pulled the delicious dick out of his mouth before he leaned up and reached for the bottle of lube that he had left sitting on the bedside table. Coming back he kissed Jack throughly before he sat back on his feet, putting some lube on a couple of his fingers. He moved his hand down to Jack’s entrance just barley touching the puckered skin between the man’s legs. He moved so he was hovering above his lover and looked down into Jack’s beautiful blue eyes before giving him a kiss.  
  
“Are you sure?” He asked one more time. He really wanted to be certain.  
  
“Mark, if you don’t make love to me tonight, you’re sleeping on the floor,” Jack threatened, though Mark could tell there was no real malice to his words.  
  
With a smile, he leaned down, and kissed Jack one more time before he gently put pressure against his lover’s hole. He watched his boyfriend’s face for any discomfort as he slowly slid his middle finger in. Jack’s mouth opened, and a small moan escaped his throat, as his eyes fluttered shut. Mark was enraptured by what he was witnessing. He slid his finger in and out a few times, searching for the sweet pot of gold until a sharp gasp from his lover told him he had found it.  
  
“Oh Fuck,” Jack whispered. “Do that again,” he said.  
  
With a smile, Mark continued to watch Jack’s facial expression as he fingered him, hitting the man’s prostate as often as he could. Jack’s face turned a beautiful shade of red, and his eyes were barley open as soft moans escaped him. Feeling the muscles relax around his finger, he took the opportunity to slip the second finger in, which gifted him with more mews and moans from his love. He began the process of opening up his lover, while still hitting that sweet spot just inside the man’s body. Soon Jack’s hips were meeting his hand half way, and Mark leaned down to kiss the man with passion.  
  
“You’re so beautiful,” the American whispered against Jack’s lips, kissing him deeply.  
  
Jack’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders, and their bodies were becoming slick from sweat as they continued to slowly prod at Jack’s sensitive bundle of nerves.  
  
“Mark… take me, please. I want you baby,” the Irishman begged.  
  
Without needing another word, Mark slowly pulled his fingers out, which caused a whine from his lover at the loss. He grabbed the lube and poured a generous amount on his own throbbing dick, and smeared it all over before positing himself at Jack’s entrance. Watching Jack, he gently pushed forward, penetrating his lover. He knew Jack had never experienced this before, and didn’t want to hurt him. He stopped when he was buried to the hilt inside his boyfriend’s body.  
  
“My god, you feel amazing,” Mark said. His body quivered from the intensity of feeling Jack around him. The Irishman’s legs wrapped around his back, and his arms were around Mark’s shoulders, with their chest pressed against each other.  
  
Jack’s eyes were closed, his breathing was heavy, and his cheeks were still burning red. Mark placed tiny kisses all over Jack’s face, waiting for the man’s cue to either move or retreat.  
  
“Mark…” Jack said quietly. The American looked up at his lover, searching for response. “Love me,” Jack continued, and indicated what he meant by pushing his hips upwards.  
  
Mark groaned and slowly began pumping into his love. “I will always love you,” he said to the man beneath him, kissing him soundly.  
  
They started off slow and steady, giving Jack time to get used to the sensation, but soon, Jack was meeting Mark’s hips with his own, and cries of more were to soon follow.  
  
“Fuck fuck fuck…” Jack chanted, as the American was hitting his sweet spot over and over again. Jack had a firm grip on Mark’s arms now, and his eyes were screwed tight as the sound of their body’s slapping against each other echoed in the room.  
  
“You’re so fucking sexy,” Mark praised his lover. He loved the way Jack was an absolute mess beneath him. Hair damp from sweat, eyes closed, mouth open and either cursing or moaning, his beautiful pale skin glistening in the candle light. The American never wanted to forget this moment, and how beautiful it was.  
  
He gently pounded into his lover, feeling his orgasm build, hoping Jack was close. He wanted his love to climax first, not wanting to disappoint. Jack slipped a hand between them, and started to jerk himself off, and Mark could tell he was almost there.  
  
“Come for me baby,” Mark encourage him, and he leaned down to kiss the Irishman.  
  
Jack cried into Mark’s mouth within moments as his seed sprayed over both their bodies. “FUUUUUCK MAAARK!!”  
  
Feeling Jack tighten around him and hearing his name being moaned from the love of his life sent him over the edge in a mind blowing orgasm. His eyes closed tight, and a low groan escaped him as he called out Jack’s given name.  
  
With a few more shaky thrusts, Mark slowed to a stop and fell halfway onto Jack and halfway onto the bed. He slowly pulled out, which caused his lover to protest with a whine, and was met with a beautiful gaze of blue eyes and a huge smile.  
  
“That was fucking amazing,” Jack said quietly.  
  
Mark gave a small laugh and agreed, before kissing the man.  
  
They laid there in silence for a while, as their breathing came back to normal.  
  
“I’m going to be sore tomorrow aren’t I?” Jack asked.  
  
“Yeah, a bit,” Mark said, now worried.  
  
Jack just smiled and gave a small chuckle. “Totally worth it,” he said looking over at Mark with a grin.  
  
They both laughed and then kissed gently. With a caress to his boyfriend’s cheek, Mark got up, and retrieved a warm washcloth to clean them both up. He then carefully helped Jack under the covers before his blew out the candles. Once they were bathed in the darkness, the only light coming from the city lights through the window, Mark returned to his lover. They came together like to halves of a whole, fitting perfectly, and within minuets they fell asleep.

**~*~**

After a few more wonderful days in Paris, the couple traveled to Ireland by plane as they needed the time to pack some of Jack’s belongings. During their stay in the city of Love, they talked about how their relationship would work, being in two different countries, but by then end, they both agreed, they didn’t want to do long distance. Plus, because of Ally’s betrayal, Jack didn’t want to live in his apartment any longer. He knew he’d never be able to sleep in the bed they had once shared, and the place reminded him to much of the two years he had with her. Though they were good years, they, like the apartment, were tainted from the break up. Mark didn’t need to even think about asking Jack to move in with him in L.A., and although Jack said he would miss his family, he didn’t want to be without him. Once they got back to Ireland it was a whirlwind of busy days getting Jack ready to move out to California, but before they knew it, they were on a flight back to the states.

**~*~**

A loud alarm woke Mark up suddenly. He opened it eyes, and found himself staring at his ceiling in his bedroom back in California. He felt as his heart beat begin to race, and the fear of it all being a dream terrified him.  
  
Then, without warning, an arm snaked out and wrapped around his waist.  
  
“Why the fook do you have an alarm set for?” came an Irish accent from under the covers.  
  
Mark pulled back his blanket revealing a pair of the most beautiful blue eyes, and the sweetest smile gracing the most perfect pair of lips.  
  
Jack looked at him, and his eyes were filled with more love than Mark even thought imaginable.  
  
“I love you so much,” he said to his lover.  
  
“I love you more,” Jack said before leaning over him to give him a loving kiss.


	16. Epilogue

With Jack moved in, Mark took his time before coming back to Youtube. He wanted time to help Jack settle in, building him his own recording studio, and letting their friends in on their relationship. They were keeping it a secret from the fans for the time being, as they wanted to get used it themselves. Eventually though, he came back with a slew of new videos to an overjoyed community.  
  
While in Paris, Mark and Jack had taken many pictures together around the city, and a few in Ireland. One in particular was of them cuddled on a cream colored blanket out in a field. Jack was sitting between Mark’s legs, back against the American’s chest, with Mark’s arms around his waist, while the other held the camera. The sun was setting behind them, stars showing high in the sky, creating the perfect backdrop for their coming out photo. This was the image they sent to their friends as a way of announcing that they were together. Needless to say, everyone was thrilled.  


**~*~**

They had traveled back to Paris for their one year anniversary. Mark had managed to even get the same room in the same hotel. After settling in, Mark brought Jack out to the exact same spot near the Eiffel tower where they had been a year prior.  
  
He pulled his boyfriend close to his side, and leaned over and gave him a loving kiss, before he let his fingers glide down his lover’s cheek.  
  
“One year ago today my life went from the worst nightmare of my life, to a dream come true. A year ago, you pulled me into your arms, and yelled out to the world that you fucking loved me. You told me I could have you if I wanted, and I asked you to be mine. Since then we have spent everyday falling in love over and over, more and more each time, and I can’t imagine a better way to spend the rest of my life,” Mark said with a smile.  
  
“That is the cheesiest speech I’ve ever heard Fischbach … and I love it,” Jack admitted with a huge grin.  
  
“Well it’s about to get cheesier,” Mark laughed before he dropped down to one knee. “I love you more than the stars above, more than all of space.” He took a deep breath. “Will you, Seán William McLouglin, please marry me?” He asked, pulling out a small black velvet box with a white gold band in it.  
  
Jack was crying, a huge smile plastered on his face. Then he pulled his own small black velvet box out of his pocket and knelt down to Mark.  
  
“You adorable bastard, I was going to ask you the same question,” he said with a laugh, opening up the box to reveal a matching ring meant for Mark. “Yes I’ll marry you,” he said before kissing Mark.  
  
They stood, embracing, kissing each other passionately until they ran out of breath.  
  
“I fucking love you,” Jack said quietly to Mark.  
  
And just before he kissed his future husband, Mark responded quietly back. “Mine.”


End file.
